My teacher wrote a poem and translated for us. I wanted to share it with you.
Hindi, I salute you.
Hindi, I salute you.
I love you so much
That I crossed the seven seas
Whatever the cost
As soon as possible
Become my tongue
Can I get an Amen? There’s something refining about learning a language. You are put through the fire and come out with a second soul. I just keep holding on to that thought.
Many times when we ask questions in class the teacher answers, “We will learn that in lesson x.” It’s so odd being back in a rote memory class style (especially while making the transition from being a teacher to a student).
It’s also been helpful to learn expectations. I have now learned that before we come to class we should have read the next chapter, learned the vocab and grammar, and be prepared to use the grammar and vocab. Yeah, I might as well be teaching myself…oh, wait…I basically am.
Language reveals a lot about a culture. Here are some discoveries about Hindi that are helping me understand the culture.
First, there aren’t any patterns to their numbers. In English we have 1-10 then some odd numbers like 11 & 12 but then start a pattern of ----teen. Then we name the 10s and add to it like twenty, twenty-one and so on. Then we repeat this pattern and put 100 or 1000 or whatever in front of it. Yeah, in Hindi every number is special enough to have its own unique name…no patterns. (Except Ordinals) Now I know why they round and have flat rates. When the number isn’t commonly used they say it in English. I’m sure there’s more to it that I’ll discover later.
A very important discovery was the use of very specific names for family members. There is a specific word for each person in the family. (Who you are and how you relate determines a lot around here) There’s a word for mom and dad. Then there are different names for sister depending on if they are younger or older. Same for brother. Grandmother/Grandfather is different depending on if it’s your mom’s mom/dad or your dad’s mom/dad. Even uncle and aunt. This is mind blowing. There’s a name to call your uncle who is the older brother of your dad. There’s another name to call your uncle who is the younger brother of your dad. They change for your mom’s side of the family. Aunt works the same way. There are at least 4 words for uncle and 4 words for aunt. Let’s not get into in-laws.
My teacher was helping me learn just the words that apply to my family. I was so thankful for having a very simple small family. I laughed (this is for you Ryan) when we started talking about brother-in-law. I said it was my older sister’s husband. She insisted that I added the honor ending “ji” (which I don’t have any problem showing my brother-in-law respect). Then the teacher found out he’s the same age as me and decided I didn’t have to. My brother-in-law has a month on me so I don’t mind (Ryanji).
I’ve found irony in this one word that I can never pronounce correctly. I always blank when I read it as well. The word is teacher. Yes, I can identify or say my own profession.
I did say something in class Wednesday that none of the other students knew. Why wouldn’t I know how to say Mujhe gulab jamun basant hai----I like gulab jamun (it’s a sweet here). I have to remember moments like that when I leave class feeling like a blundering idiot.
20 February 2009
Hiding Under the Covers
It happened. I reached that point where I just had to escape. The only place I found that made the world disappear was under my covers, with the fan on, and my iPod playing in my ears.
I simply had just had it. I know it was brought on by being tired. We had a guest stay with us last night. She snored, tossed and turned, and was up and down all night. Considering her bed was just a yard away from mine---I didn’t sleep. My roommate felt so bad she let me take her treasured thermos full of coffee (she made) to class with me. Today was my long day. I never thought it was going to end. (Note: I also haven't been sleeping well in general b/c my back is acting up...hopefully that will be resolved this weekend when I go buy some foam.)
There is always noise here. The school is no exception (considering it’s located in a YMCA which runs a school for kids). Today was extra loud. First, there was this cat. It kept meowing and meowing and meowing and meowing and you get the point. I just kept thinking, “Please, kill the cat or take it out of the school.”
Then they are remodeling the school. They are literary tearing down cinder block walls with sledge hammers and jack hammers. It’s one thing when it’s three floors below you but today it was next door. I guess I’ll be more thankful when they are done with the new restrooms.
What made me just twitch and completely lose my concentration was what I think was the sweeper lady. Yes, sweeping. She was sweeping outside using a broom made of branches against concrete. The sound is much like fingernails on a chalk board.
To top it all off the smell at the construction site from a few weeks ago that made me vomit…oh yeah, it was starting to seep into our classroom from whatever they were doing from downstairs. It wasn’t as strong as the other place but it definitely was turning my stomach.
You put that on top of the stress and pressure I feel every time I go to class anyway and I was running out the door after my three classes today. What did I do? I went to the local café and finished my flash cards for the first nine chapters of my text book. Yep, that’s right. We are now on chapter 9. My grammar and individual tuition teacher keeps saying I need to catch up, know my vocab, review all the chapters, identify all the grammar I don’t get yet and ask about it when we meet on Fridays. I don't know what he thinks I'm doing, but it's obviously not good enough for him (not enough evidence yet that I've been frying my brain to catch up....it's just nine chapters in six days of class).
Do you know how many words are in 9 chapters? Almost 200 and most of them don’t overlap what I already know…what are the odds? I’m not even going to talk about the amount of grammar we’ve (sorry---they’ve) covered. But actually I found out that the original class was two couples who have studied before or have lived here for 10 years. They actually didn’t cover everything and they’ve had lessons that aren’t even in the book. Then another girl joined about a week late who also shouldn’t be in beginner Hindi. I was comforted when I found out that this other guy in my class came a bit late as well and is struggling too. He is about where I am. The others are so far ahead of us and the teacher has paced the class to their ability. Ugh. Some of them ask their questions in Hindi and I can’t even understand what they're asking. Really, we should not be in the same class. I asked about extra help and none of the teachers have any space in their schedule.
The teacher in me has flipped. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU TEACH SOMEONE TO LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (at least that’s my opinion). My conversation teacher says I’m not speaking enough. (She did say I had good comprehension) I don’t think I’ve listened enough. I started working with my house help. It will be rough at the beginning (she doesn’t speak English) but I think it will be helpful in the long run.
It’s killing me not being able to do well. I’m sure I’m being harder on myself than anyone. I don’t even agree with their expectations but I have this need to perform. If I step back and think about where I truly think I should be then I’m doing ok. I say ok because there are some areas I am really slacking and some I’m doing really well.
The result of all this frustration was me needing to escape. I came home from the café and disappeared for two hours under the covers. It helped so much. I have now emerged and am writing this.
I must say there was irony to the songs that came on my iPod. It started with the soundtrack my friends made for me of my year in Germany. The first song---Somewhere Over the Rainbow. My family and close friends will understand that reference because my backyard is pretty big (right, mom?). What made me ever think this was my dream come true? Then John Lennon’s Imagine came on. I must have been a crack addict in a past life because that’s the only way this song would be comforting. I feel like a disillusioned hippie who went to India to find herself and then after arriving asked herself, “Why in the hell am I here?” I knew this was coming.
There are cycles in culture shock. The first phase is the honeymoon. Everything seems great. You’ve finally made it and it’s what you’ve always wanted. Then reality hits and you hate everything. I think I’m crossing over to that phase. I sort of missed the phase where I love everything here. Maybe I covered that in my first three trips which convinced me to live here. The part of that phase I’m not missing (and wish I was) is dealing with being an American here. That’s just something I won’t blog about. From past experiences I know this will resolve (hopefully sooner than later). I also know that it will probably get worse before it gets better. It’s a repeating cycle until you get resettled and that takes about a year or two. At least they're moments (or days) and not entire months yet=)
I simply had just had it. I know it was brought on by being tired. We had a guest stay with us last night. She snored, tossed and turned, and was up and down all night. Considering her bed was just a yard away from mine---I didn’t sleep. My roommate felt so bad she let me take her treasured thermos full of coffee (she made) to class with me. Today was my long day. I never thought it was going to end. (Note: I also haven't been sleeping well in general b/c my back is acting up...hopefully that will be resolved this weekend when I go buy some foam.)
There is always noise here. The school is no exception (considering it’s located in a YMCA which runs a school for kids). Today was extra loud. First, there was this cat. It kept meowing and meowing and meowing and meowing and you get the point. I just kept thinking, “Please, kill the cat or take it out of the school.”
Then they are remodeling the school. They are literary tearing down cinder block walls with sledge hammers and jack hammers. It’s one thing when it’s three floors below you but today it was next door. I guess I’ll be more thankful when they are done with the new restrooms.
What made me just twitch and completely lose my concentration was what I think was the sweeper lady. Yes, sweeping. She was sweeping outside using a broom made of branches against concrete. The sound is much like fingernails on a chalk board.
To top it all off the smell at the construction site from a few weeks ago that made me vomit…oh yeah, it was starting to seep into our classroom from whatever they were doing from downstairs. It wasn’t as strong as the other place but it definitely was turning my stomach.
You put that on top of the stress and pressure I feel every time I go to class anyway and I was running out the door after my three classes today. What did I do? I went to the local café and finished my flash cards for the first nine chapters of my text book. Yep, that’s right. We are now on chapter 9. My grammar and individual tuition teacher keeps saying I need to catch up, know my vocab, review all the chapters, identify all the grammar I don’t get yet and ask about it when we meet on Fridays. I don't know what he thinks I'm doing, but it's obviously not good enough for him (not enough evidence yet that I've been frying my brain to catch up....it's just nine chapters in six days of class).
Do you know how many words are in 9 chapters? Almost 200 and most of them don’t overlap what I already know…what are the odds? I’m not even going to talk about the amount of grammar we’ve (sorry---they’ve) covered. But actually I found out that the original class was two couples who have studied before or have lived here for 10 years. They actually didn’t cover everything and they’ve had lessons that aren’t even in the book. Then another girl joined about a week late who also shouldn’t be in beginner Hindi. I was comforted when I found out that this other guy in my class came a bit late as well and is struggling too. He is about where I am. The others are so far ahead of us and the teacher has paced the class to their ability. Ugh. Some of them ask their questions in Hindi and I can’t even understand what they're asking. Really, we should not be in the same class. I asked about extra help and none of the teachers have any space in their schedule.
The teacher in me has flipped. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU TEACH SOMEONE TO LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (at least that’s my opinion). My conversation teacher says I’m not speaking enough. (She did say I had good comprehension) I don’t think I’ve listened enough. I started working with my house help. It will be rough at the beginning (she doesn’t speak English) but I think it will be helpful in the long run.
It’s killing me not being able to do well. I’m sure I’m being harder on myself than anyone. I don’t even agree with their expectations but I have this need to perform. If I step back and think about where I truly think I should be then I’m doing ok. I say ok because there are some areas I am really slacking and some I’m doing really well.
The result of all this frustration was me needing to escape. I came home from the café and disappeared for two hours under the covers. It helped so much. I have now emerged and am writing this.
I must say there was irony to the songs that came on my iPod. It started with the soundtrack my friends made for me of my year in Germany. The first song---Somewhere Over the Rainbow. My family and close friends will understand that reference because my backyard is pretty big (right, mom?). What made me ever think this was my dream come true? Then John Lennon’s Imagine came on. I must have been a crack addict in a past life because that’s the only way this song would be comforting. I feel like a disillusioned hippie who went to India to find herself and then after arriving asked herself, “Why in the hell am I here?” I knew this was coming.
There are cycles in culture shock. The first phase is the honeymoon. Everything seems great. You’ve finally made it and it’s what you’ve always wanted. Then reality hits and you hate everything. I think I’m crossing over to that phase. I sort of missed the phase where I love everything here. Maybe I covered that in my first three trips which convinced me to live here. The part of that phase I’m not missing (and wish I was) is dealing with being an American here. That’s just something I won’t blog about. From past experiences I know this will resolve (hopefully sooner than later). I also know that it will probably get worse before it gets better. It’s a repeating cycle until you get resettled and that takes about a year or two. At least they're moments (or days) and not entire months yet=)
17 February 2009
Faces
Something I've noticed in the short time I've been here are faces. There's something about a face. Looking at a face is like reading a story. The lines, the curves, the shadows, the wrinkles, the chubby cheeks, the thinness, the jaw line, the eyes, the lips. It all comes together to show you not only the past, but the present and future.
I'm the type of person who likes to look at people and smile as I pass them. Here it is culturally inappropriate for me to do that with men. So I have to censor who I look at. It's been an interesting challenge. I love the surprise looks I get from women and children when I make eye contact and smile. Some are terrified, others blush, and others pause for a second and smile back.
Another way I have experienced this face phenomenon is through skype. It is wonderful to hear people's voices but there's a dynamic change when you add a face. It means so much to see my nieces and not just hear them. I was able to see a good friend for the first time in about two years and I was overwhelmed to tears. Tonight I got to see my best friends and my godchildren. I could see the excitement on their faces as they talked to me. I was able to make faces at the baby and make him smile. It also helps deal with change. I remember coming back after being gone a year and my dad's hair had greyed and a bald spot had started. I was so shocked. Kids grow and change so fast. With skype I'll be able to see these changes.
I think faces are why we like pictures. I received a pic via email from a friend of a special group of people and for the past week all I've wanted is to see the faces of these people. I've replied to most emails this week with a request of pictures.
I love faces!
I'm the type of person who likes to look at people and smile as I pass them. Here it is culturally inappropriate for me to do that with men. So I have to censor who I look at. It's been an interesting challenge. I love the surprise looks I get from women and children when I make eye contact and smile. Some are terrified, others blush, and others pause for a second and smile back.
Another way I have experienced this face phenomenon is through skype. It is wonderful to hear people's voices but there's a dynamic change when you add a face. It means so much to see my nieces and not just hear them. I was able to see a good friend for the first time in about two years and I was overwhelmed to tears. Tonight I got to see my best friends and my godchildren. I could see the excitement on their faces as they talked to me. I was able to make faces at the baby and make him smile. It also helps deal with change. I remember coming back after being gone a year and my dad's hair had greyed and a bald spot had started. I was so shocked. Kids grow and change so fast. With skype I'll be able to see these changes.
I think faces are why we like pictures. I received a pic via email from a friend of a special group of people and for the past week all I've wanted is to see the faces of these people. I've replied to most emails this week with a request of pictures.
I love faces!
Sounds outside my door...
At any given time there are many sounds outside my door (or window). As I write this I hear the call to prayer along with a wedding band with each member playing their own tune. The veggie man is calling out "subzi" in hopes that you need some last minute veggies for dinner. Then there's the honking of horns. The small "beep, beep" of autos, the loud deafening car horns, and the ringing of the bells from cyclist trying not to get ran over and the rumbling of kamikaze buses mixed with squeals of taxi breaks. I can hear the freeway in the distance and the exhaust pipes releasing the fragrant incense that will make every sunset and sunrise glimmer in a foggy haze. There's the random chorus of dogs barking and children playing. I can ease drop into my neighbors' conversation (as they probably can and do ease drop into my conversations) and whoever is passing through the street behind my house. Then of course there's those random fireworks. There's the occasional ambulance siren. My favorite sounds are in the morning. I can hear birds (which I haven't found any reason yet to not like). It's not like the invasion of the birds where I used to live. Then sometimes I think I hear monkeys. There's the wonderful soundtrack of a Bollywood movie blaring from someone's car. It truly is a symphony to experience.
Addictions, Withdrawals, and Ramblings
This is the time of day when my brain is fried and I become stranger than normal=)
I just posted an Ode to Pepto. I love that tiny pink pill. My tummy is starting to make adjustments and my special friend is helping it transition.
I started forgetting my English. There have been several words yesterday and today that I just couldn't think of. I do know that I can read, write, and say my colors in Hindi. Very important.
I am starting to go through withdrawals...at least that's what I'm blaming my cravings on. I would love a plate of cheese enchiladas or enchiladas verde or empanadas or...you get the idea, rice, beans, chips, queso, how about some creamy j, and a Dr. Pepper. How about some Blue Bell to follow? Yeah, not happening. That's ok. I had a wonderful lunch of maggie noodles (ramen noodles) with left over tomato soup and grated cheese melted on top with toast. It is Tuesday night which means our house help made a real Indian meal. I will honestly enjoy that. Homemade rotis are a good substitute for tortillas. She made one of my favorite subzi (veggies)...okra masala. You can't have a meal without dhal (lentils). We are making some rice as well... not quite what I'd get at a Mexican restaurant but it is rice=)
Good news! I made dinner last night and it was more than edible. I made some broccoli sauteed in butter and fresh garlic, sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts, and I cheated and ordered Afghan chicken from a local place. If you ever come to visit, you have to try this chicken. It's so good!
I woke up this morning and realized that I've been here three weeks. ONLY THREE WEEKS!?! It feels like so much longer. Then I realized that 3 weeks is almost the half-way mark of the usual time I've spent here. Reality: 3 weeks is nothing in relation to how long I will be here. It actually made me feel much more gracious toward myself. I've only been in Hindi class for a week. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I'm doing pretty good for a week of class. I start working with my house help this week. After exams her daughter is going to help me with my reading.
My roommate again reminded me of the need to celebrate the small things and important markers. We calculated the day that would mark the day after the longest time I've ever been here....March 25th....that's 8 weeks and one day. Now I just have to decide what to do.
I just posted an Ode to Pepto. I love that tiny pink pill. My tummy is starting to make adjustments and my special friend is helping it transition.
I started forgetting my English. There have been several words yesterday and today that I just couldn't think of. I do know that I can read, write, and say my colors in Hindi. Very important.
I am starting to go through withdrawals...at least that's what I'm blaming my cravings on. I would love a plate of cheese enchiladas or enchiladas verde or empanadas or...you get the idea, rice, beans, chips, queso, how about some creamy j, and a Dr. Pepper. How about some Blue Bell to follow? Yeah, not happening. That's ok. I had a wonderful lunch of maggie noodles (ramen noodles) with left over tomato soup and grated cheese melted on top with toast. It is Tuesday night which means our house help made a real Indian meal. I will honestly enjoy that. Homemade rotis are a good substitute for tortillas. She made one of my favorite subzi (veggies)...okra masala. You can't have a meal without dhal (lentils). We are making some rice as well... not quite what I'd get at a Mexican restaurant but it is rice=)
Good news! I made dinner last night and it was more than edible. I made some broccoli sauteed in butter and fresh garlic, sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts, and I cheated and ordered Afghan chicken from a local place. If you ever come to visit, you have to try this chicken. It's so good!
I woke up this morning and realized that I've been here three weeks. ONLY THREE WEEKS!?! It feels like so much longer. Then I realized that 3 weeks is almost the half-way mark of the usual time I've spent here. Reality: 3 weeks is nothing in relation to how long I will be here. It actually made me feel much more gracious toward myself. I've only been in Hindi class for a week. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I'm doing pretty good for a week of class. I start working with my house help this week. After exams her daughter is going to help me with my reading.
My roommate again reminded me of the need to celebrate the small things and important markers. We calculated the day that would mark the day after the longest time I've ever been here....March 25th....that's 8 weeks and one day. Now I just have to decide what to do.
Ode to Pepto
My special friend
small and pink
makes my tummy happy
and let's the gas pass
My special friend
small and pink
turns my tongue black
and makes me relax
My special friend
small and pink
you are welcome
at every meal
My special friend
small and pink
I love you!
small and pink
makes my tummy happy
and let's the gas pass
My special friend
small and pink
turns my tongue black
and makes me relax
My special friend
small and pink
you are welcome
at every meal
My special friend
small and pink
I love you!
16 February 2009
Fireworks, weddings, & dogs = no sleep
It's wedding season and we live near a wedding hall. This means wedding bands most nights to all hours of the night. I also saw a horse all decorated with flowers walking down the street. For some reason the past couple of days it also has meant endless fireworks. Fireworks that sound like guns going off randomly throughout the night. Each time they go off the neighborhood dogs decide to go off as well. These past two nights have been the first nights I haven't been able to ignore the "wonderful" noises outside our flat. Just as there isn't any space here; there isn't any quiet.
My brain is mush but I feel inspired (for now)...
Monday mornings are like whiplash. I spent most of Sunday sleeping or reading. My stomach is feeling not so normal. My roommate says it’s just adjusting. That’s a nice way to put it. She also warned me that I would inevitably be getting sick sooner or later. I’m just waiting for my bonding experience with my toilet.
Back to the whiplash. My roommate made me not look at my books this weekend because she said I needed a break. You never really get a break from language learning. I did need a break from the formal book study after the first week of class. I just did some conversation and asked for the Hindi name for tons of things. Being in class this morning gave me whiplash. I think that’s going to be the routine. Mondays I’m going to feel overwhelmed and blindsided but by Friday I will feel more confident and successful.
I went to my café and studied after class and came up with a plan. Of course, my ideal plan that I had made before coming was thrown out the window because of arriving late. As one of my favorite professors likes to say, “You live in plan B while aiming for plan A.” I am trying to make the most of plan B while trying to get as much of plan A in as possible. The revised plan is ambitious. It’s not meant to be done by my next class (Wed). Hopefully, it will compensate for being behind. I feel that it’s just my confidence that is lagging now more than anything else.
The Best Valentine's Day!
Today was wonderful. I woke up early to chat with my family on skype. My oldest niece had a Valentine to show me which she will be sending me. My grandmother and uncle were also there. I got to wish my uncle a Happy Birthday since his birthday is Tuesday.
While I was talking to them a good friend called and I arranged to call her back. After I talked to the entire clan I called my friend. It was good to see a friend. This particular friend I haven’t seen in years. We have managed to stay close over email and phone calls. She is one of those rare gifts in my life. I was thrilled to talk to her. I did miss getting to “meet” her little one. We’re arranging another time so I can meet him.
After that I went back to bed. This past week wiped me out. Language learning is so draining. When I’m in class my entire thoughts shift into German and Spanish. I spoke to my house help in German on Friday. Didn’t do much good. I’m improving a little bit every day.
I woke up about one in the afternoon and got ready for a Valentine’s picnic. My roomie surprised me with a small box of heart shaped cookies with red and pink icing. She spoils me. The picnic was so much fun. It was just a bunch of my roommate’s friends. I got to meet a lot of new people. We played silly games and had tons of junk food and tea. The weather was perfect and the garden was lovely.
Now we are back home and my roommate is cooking dinner. This is always a treat because my meals still lack much to be desired. We’ve had a quiet evening at home.
This has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day but it doesn’t need its own entry. I bought my first piece of furniture. It’s a nice cane bookshelf. It helps give me much needed space in my room. We found it in a market last night. It was a new market for me. I had fun exploring and found an alphabet chart and some children’s readers. Today in another market I found readers with both Hindi and English. So exciting!
11 February 2009
Frustration
I hit my first wall of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. When I went to bed last night all I could imagine was hiding under the covers and crying for the rest of my life. I really couldn’t bare the thought of getting up and facing the world the next morning, but I did. It wasn’t too bad. It was actually a lot better than yesterday.
You might wonder how this happened. First of all it’s normal. Everyone who moves to another culture has their good and bad days. It wasn’t like anything bad happened. It was just the tension of adjusting to life here.
I get around by auto rickshaw for the most part. The problem is the drivers like to cheat everyone but most of all foreigners. Over time I will know how much it is suppose to cost to get to different places and be able to haggle down the price but I will never be allowed to pay the fair rate. This is a reality that can be frustrating especially when you’re not in the mood to argue and don’t have enough language to haggle.
Getting around and doing anything is exhausting. One must realize that you will never accomplish as much as you did back home in any given day. Things happen at a much slower rate here. The fact that I went to language school, studied at a café, recharged the minutes on my mobile, picked up clothes from the tailor, and went and picked something from the office is a lot to do in one day. It took me about 7 hours to do all these things. I only traveled about 10 minutes from my house.
The other thing that hit me was my loss of immediate contact with friends. I just really want to pick up the phone and talk to some friends. It’s 3:30 in the afternoon here but it’s 3:30 in the morning for my friends. I don’t think they’d appreciate that.
I have another friend whose family is dealing with a health crisis. This friend and I were family to each other when we lived in the States. She is actually only 2 ½ hours different in time but we cannot seem to get a good, reliable, or affordable way to communicate. It kills me not being able to be there for her.
Learning a language has its ups and downs. It’s fun when you are getting it but it’s a headache when you’re not. Whether it’s going well or not it still makes your brain hurt. I’ve been trying to catch up on 3 weeks of language school. My brain is about to pop. Hindi is consuming my life. No matter how much I feel like I’ve accomplished when I venture out and start trying to communicate I realize how little I really know.
I have to keep intentionally reminding myself of the successes I’ve made. I made it to the office without getting lost. I made it back home and gave the driver directions the entire way (I had to convince him I knew the way first). I’m not sure if I should be proud of this but I was able to get the rickshaw driver to take me and refuse the others that were waiting before me (there’s no cue here, it’s who can convince the driver you’re the better deal). I was white and willing to pay more so I won. I guess I used my frustration of being cheated to my advantage. I found the tailor and a place to recharge my phone. I have made some progress in identifying the letters (especially the vowels) and sounding out words. I literally have to name these things to compensate for all the negative that I could focus on. It’s an everyday battle.
You might wonder how this happened. First of all it’s normal. Everyone who moves to another culture has their good and bad days. It wasn’t like anything bad happened. It was just the tension of adjusting to life here.
I get around by auto rickshaw for the most part. The problem is the drivers like to cheat everyone but most of all foreigners. Over time I will know how much it is suppose to cost to get to different places and be able to haggle down the price but I will never be allowed to pay the fair rate. This is a reality that can be frustrating especially when you’re not in the mood to argue and don’t have enough language to haggle.
Getting around and doing anything is exhausting. One must realize that you will never accomplish as much as you did back home in any given day. Things happen at a much slower rate here. The fact that I went to language school, studied at a café, recharged the minutes on my mobile, picked up clothes from the tailor, and went and picked something from the office is a lot to do in one day. It took me about 7 hours to do all these things. I only traveled about 10 minutes from my house.
The other thing that hit me was my loss of immediate contact with friends. I just really want to pick up the phone and talk to some friends. It’s 3:30 in the afternoon here but it’s 3:30 in the morning for my friends. I don’t think they’d appreciate that.
I have another friend whose family is dealing with a health crisis. This friend and I were family to each other when we lived in the States. She is actually only 2 ½ hours different in time but we cannot seem to get a good, reliable, or affordable way to communicate. It kills me not being able to be there for her.
Learning a language has its ups and downs. It’s fun when you are getting it but it’s a headache when you’re not. Whether it’s going well or not it still makes your brain hurt. I’ve been trying to catch up on 3 weeks of language school. My brain is about to pop. Hindi is consuming my life. No matter how much I feel like I’ve accomplished when I venture out and start trying to communicate I realize how little I really know.
I have to keep intentionally reminding myself of the successes I’ve made. I made it to the office without getting lost. I made it back home and gave the driver directions the entire way (I had to convince him I knew the way first). I’m not sure if I should be proud of this but I was able to get the rickshaw driver to take me and refuse the others that were waiting before me (there’s no cue here, it’s who can convince the driver you’re the better deal). I was white and willing to pay more so I won. I guess I used my frustration of being cheated to my advantage. I found the tailor and a place to recharge my phone. I have made some progress in identifying the letters (especially the vowels) and sounding out words. I literally have to name these things to compensate for all the negative that I could focus on. It’s an everyday battle.
Space
I’m not sure I know what this word means. If there is any space the people here know how to fill it. You simply have to walk into any store or market to observe this. Take a look at the neighborhood and the houses and even the slums. Traffic operates the same way. This is why I don’t take the bus (too many people mean I get grabbed too many times). If you ever need help in packing or making the most of any space simply ask a local.
09 February 2009
Beggars
Beggars are a part of everyday life here. There's a struggle to remain compassionate and not let your heart harden while not getting abused. If you give to one beggar then you end up causing a scene and can be mobbed. It can be a bit scary when you're alone. There are also people running scams. You really have to get to know the beggars in your area and discern who to give to and how to give to them. The hardest part is you're dealing with children most of the time.
I had an experience the other day that was different from past beggar encounters. I was with two other expats in an auto rickshaw. Being an expat you become a magnet for beggars because you're rich. We were sitting at the red light and about four young boy touts came to sell us books and other things. One woman tried to sell us incense but quickly left. The boys quickly understood that we were not interested in buying books. They were enjoying the conversation and it wasn't bothering us.
Then this young girl came up signing for food. I said no. Once you've acknowledged a beggar you are in for it. They have great persistence after being acknowledged. The girl began to rub my upper thigh with her left hand (which is considered unclean). This is completely inappropriate even for her culture. I pushed her hand away and said no and go away. That's when she dug her nails into my arm and started pinching me. If I wouldn't have been wearing a long sleeve shirt she would have drawn blood and she definitely left marks. I swatted at her hand and she ran away.
I immediately started rationalizing my right to swat at her hand. It just put me in a conundrum for the rest of the day. Was my response appropriate? I had to let her know that she shouldn't do that.
I'm struggling with how to interact with beggars. They are people and need to be treated with respect. I can't give to everyone. Even to acknowledge them sometimes puts me in danger. I just have to be sensitive to the situation. Be as gentle as a dove and wise as a serpent. What does that look like? I just think the most important thing is my heart. My hope is that living here doesn't harden my heart.
I had an experience the other day that was different from past beggar encounters. I was with two other expats in an auto rickshaw. Being an expat you become a magnet for beggars because you're rich. We were sitting at the red light and about four young boy touts came to sell us books and other things. One woman tried to sell us incense but quickly left. The boys quickly understood that we were not interested in buying books. They were enjoying the conversation and it wasn't bothering us.
Then this young girl came up signing for food. I said no. Once you've acknowledged a beggar you are in for it. They have great persistence after being acknowledged. The girl began to rub my upper thigh with her left hand (which is considered unclean). This is completely inappropriate even for her culture. I pushed her hand away and said no and go away. That's when she dug her nails into my arm and started pinching me. If I wouldn't have been wearing a long sleeve shirt she would have drawn blood and she definitely left marks. I swatted at her hand and she ran away.
I immediately started rationalizing my right to swat at her hand. It just put me in a conundrum for the rest of the day. Was my response appropriate? I had to let her know that she shouldn't do that.
I'm struggling with how to interact with beggars. They are people and need to be treated with respect. I can't give to everyone. Even to acknowledge them sometimes puts me in danger. I just have to be sensitive to the situation. Be as gentle as a dove and wise as a serpent. What does that look like? I just think the most important thing is my heart. My hope is that living here doesn't harden my heart.
Animal Count
I've been keeping track of the different animals I've encountered. I started doing this to entertain a young friend (3 years old) who is enduring 28 days of chemotherapy right now. I thought you might want to hear about theses interesting creatures as well.
Dogs, dogs, and more dogs. They are everywhere. You can't escape them. Because of them I've learned the word "Jao!" It is the command form of the word go. These are street dogs that are not vaccinated. The dogs carry lots of disease. Because of the cultural beliefs they cannot be put down. At most NGOs come and pick up the local dogs and then fix them and vaccinate them and then release them back in the neighborhood. That's the best we can hope for.
There are cats (billies) here also. They love to get into your garbage. You must make sure you have a cat/rat proof lid. Yes, there are wonderful rats running around as well. That's a good reason to keep the cats around.
Bundar! Monkeys are also hanging out in your local neighborhoods as well. I've only spotted them a few times. You must be careful with putting things outside (like your laundry) or the monkeys will take it. Their our local thieves that you must watch out for.
When I went on a trip last week I saw camels walking the streets. Typically you seen them in the bordering state of mine. While I was gone my roommate saw an elephant (hoti) wondering the streets. These are common especially at weddings and can also be rented for birthday parties.
Other than that I have seen much of anything else other than bugs. I hope not to see the local snakes. I stay clear of anyone who looks like a snake charmer and has a basket=) I will keep you posted on any other intersting things I happen to see.
Dogs, dogs, and more dogs. They are everywhere. You can't escape them. Because of them I've learned the word "Jao!" It is the command form of the word go. These are street dogs that are not vaccinated. The dogs carry lots of disease. Because of the cultural beliefs they cannot be put down. At most NGOs come and pick up the local dogs and then fix them and vaccinate them and then release them back in the neighborhood. That's the best we can hope for.
There are cats (billies) here also. They love to get into your garbage. You must make sure you have a cat/rat proof lid. Yes, there are wonderful rats running around as well. That's a good reason to keep the cats around.
Bundar! Monkeys are also hanging out in your local neighborhoods as well. I've only spotted them a few times. You must be careful with putting things outside (like your laundry) or the monkeys will take it. Their our local thieves that you must watch out for.
When I went on a trip last week I saw camels walking the streets. Typically you seen them in the bordering state of mine. While I was gone my roommate saw an elephant (hoti) wondering the streets. These are common especially at weddings and can also be rented for birthday parties.
Other than that I have seen much of anything else other than bugs. I hope not to see the local snakes. I stay clear of anyone who looks like a snake charmer and has a basket=) I will keep you posted on any other intersting things I happen to see.
02 February 2009
For those who know me well...
I have to tell this story for those who know me really well. This will make you laugh. It made me laugh.
My roommate wanted to show me one of her favorite cafes. When we entered the cafe we were overcome by a smell which we thought was from cleaning supplies. It's common to be overwhelmed by smells here but you usually get use to then after time). We went ahead and sat down and ordered. As we sat there the fumes became stronger and we started to feel funny. Then it hit me. . . I was going to throw up. I couldn't figure out where to go so I ran for the door and that's where it happened. Then I continued out the door and threw up on the side walk. Then I noticed I had an audience of business men on the first floor (2nd floor in the US) watching me. Did I mention this cafe was located in a 5 star hotel?!? I don't think I've ever thrown up on marble before.
My roommate took care of the bill (which they didn't make me pay for my meal) and came out. She said that the fumes were actually from the construction site nearby. She had other adverse reactions to the fumes like a strange taste in her mouth, burning eyes, and later it came out her other end.
After this incident she did say that she has never had anyone have so many weird things happen to them especially in their first week. Some of the things that have happened to me have never happened to her in her 9 years here. Yeah, it's always exciting to be me!
The other funny incident that happened today was in the bathroom. You have to understand my history with bathroom follies and how wet bathrooms can be here. The wash machine is in my bathroom. When the wash machine drains it goes out a pipe and onto my bathroom floor and then into a common bathroom drain. They don't always have direct links from devices to the drain (thankfully my sink and toilet do). Another example would be the kitchen sink. Water runs out the drain in the sink onto the floor which has another drain. That's just how it works here. Anyway, the drain in the bathroom is right in front of the toilet. I was trying to go to the bathroom before the wash machine drained...didn't make it. My shoes got wet along with the bottom of my pants. They dried in no time. It was a funny little incident that can only happen here.
My roommate wanted to show me one of her favorite cafes. When we entered the cafe we were overcome by a smell which we thought was from cleaning supplies. It's common to be overwhelmed by smells here but you usually get use to then after time). We went ahead and sat down and ordered. As we sat there the fumes became stronger and we started to feel funny. Then it hit me. . . I was going to throw up. I couldn't figure out where to go so I ran for the door and that's where it happened. Then I continued out the door and threw up on the side walk. Then I noticed I had an audience of business men on the first floor (2nd floor in the US) watching me. Did I mention this cafe was located in a 5 star hotel?!? I don't think I've ever thrown up on marble before.
My roommate took care of the bill (which they didn't make me pay for my meal) and came out. She said that the fumes were actually from the construction site nearby. She had other adverse reactions to the fumes like a strange taste in her mouth, burning eyes, and later it came out her other end.
After this incident she did say that she has never had anyone have so many weird things happen to them especially in their first week. Some of the things that have happened to me have never happened to her in her 9 years here. Yeah, it's always exciting to be me!
The other funny incident that happened today was in the bathroom. You have to understand my history with bathroom follies and how wet bathrooms can be here. The wash machine is in my bathroom. When the wash machine drains it goes out a pipe and onto my bathroom floor and then into a common bathroom drain. They don't always have direct links from devices to the drain (thankfully my sink and toilet do). Another example would be the kitchen sink. Water runs out the drain in the sink onto the floor which has another drain. That's just how it works here. Anyway, the drain in the bathroom is right in front of the toilet. I was trying to go to the bathroom before the wash machine drained...didn't make it. My shoes got wet along with the bottom of my pants. They dried in no time. It was a funny little incident that can only happen here.
Successes
It helps to name the small successes I've had in order to keep perspective. I wanted to share them with you.
I'm actually recognizing some Hindi and able to use context to interpret meaning.
I found my way to and from language school.
Made orders on the phone.
Been shopping for clothes, food, and a mobile.
Had a conversation with the house help. (in broken Hindi/English)
Gave a rickshaw driver directions to my flat.
Not too bad for the first week and being sick.
I'm actually recognizing some Hindi and able to use context to interpret meaning.
I found my way to and from language school.
Made orders on the phone.
Been shopping for clothes, food, and a mobile.
Had a conversation with the house help. (in broken Hindi/English)
Gave a rickshaw driver directions to my flat.
Not too bad for the first week and being sick.
Still Sick and Miserable
I'm still sick and miserable but trying and coping. It just takes so much energy to do things here and I barely have any. I did manage to find my way to and from language school today. I'm venturing out on my own in a bit to meet my roommate at a market so I can buy a spike guard and hair dryer...oh, and lots more tissue!
I was thinking about how some things here I've seen before so I forget to tell you about them. I thought I'd take a second and describe the things you see one the roadway.
There's a variety of animals you can see here. I've seen lots of dogs and some cats. I saw some monkeys yesterday. There's also lots of cows that roam near my neighborhood. Not as exciting are the rats I've see. I saw a dead one yesterday when we were walking with just it's head and tail in place and the body missing off the backbone. I had to wonder how it go that way. It probably was someone/something's dinner (most likely someone's b/c of the way it was so nicely butchered. I haven't seen any camels or elephants yet (or snakes and I don't care to). There are lovely birds that wake me up in the morning.
Vehicles here come in many shapes. The slowest would be cycles (bikes). Cycles can be rickshaws or supply transporters. You would be amazed at the amount of materials (and people) Indians and put on a cycle. I most commonly ride autos (auto rickshaws) which are motorcycles turned into miniature cars. Then you have the common variety of bikes (motorcycles), cars, buses, and trucks. Mix in people walking and beggars on the corners and that's a typical Indian roadway.
I'm trying to take pictures of things like these and pics of my flat and will be posting them in the next few weeks. I'm heading out of town for the rest of the week. I'll have to catch you up later on any new adventures then.
I was thinking about how some things here I've seen before so I forget to tell you about them. I thought I'd take a second and describe the things you see one the roadway.
There's a variety of animals you can see here. I've seen lots of dogs and some cats. I saw some monkeys yesterday. There's also lots of cows that roam near my neighborhood. Not as exciting are the rats I've see. I saw a dead one yesterday when we were walking with just it's head and tail in place and the body missing off the backbone. I had to wonder how it go that way. It probably was someone/something's dinner (most likely someone's b/c of the way it was so nicely butchered. I haven't seen any camels or elephants yet (or snakes and I don't care to). There are lovely birds that wake me up in the morning.
Vehicles here come in many shapes. The slowest would be cycles (bikes). Cycles can be rickshaws or supply transporters. You would be amazed at the amount of materials (and people) Indians and put on a cycle. I most commonly ride autos (auto rickshaws) which are motorcycles turned into miniature cars. Then you have the common variety of bikes (motorcycles), cars, buses, and trucks. Mix in people walking and beggars on the corners and that's a typical Indian roadway.
I'm trying to take pictures of things like these and pics of my flat and will be posting them in the next few weeks. I'm heading out of town for the rest of the week. I'll have to catch you up later on any new adventures then.
Explanations
Mobiles are very similar to cells back home but some functions operate differently. It’s amazing how trained your hand becomes to the functions of the phone you are use to using. The first time my mobile rang I couldn’t figure out how to answer it. Only one button allows you to answer a call. Then I couldn’t figure out how to operate the text messaging. I couldn’t get it off the prediction text. Then I couldn’t figure out where the punctuation or symbols were. I kept confusing the keys for space and capitalization. I guess I have learned that no matter how familiar you are to something it’s always good to read the instructions thoroughly.
About the water. We have to fill our tank usually twice a day. That’s our water supply (if there’s water available). That water is used for flushing toilets, washing clothes, taking showers, washing dishes, and anything else you might use water for except for drinking. In the bathroom there’s a hot water heater that you heat water in before you shower. They call it a geyser and pronounce it geezer=)
Ugh, I hate being sick!
So I had a moment of frustration…ok, it was like a buildup of encounters that left me a bit frazzled.
First, I’ve been sick and in bed yesterday and today (Friday, Jan 30th). My host says it’s normal. I was pretty exhausted and the pollution here can get to you especially if you have any kind of allergies. There’s nothing like blowing out black snot. Most of the past two nights I’ve been hacking up my lungs and other gunk. This was accompanied with a fever and a severe sinus headache. Today after sleeping in till almost noon I was awaken by my mobile ringing. It was my good friend B. After a few sentences the call was dropped which I’m finding to be very common here. I couldn’t reach her after that. I was a bit bummed.
I got up and made myself some of my favorite tea that I brought with me. I snuggled into this nice chair and wrapped this warm blanket around me. I also enjoyed a delicious orange. I had a great afternoon catching up on email and my blog. Then I realize that my legs are itching. Yeah, we are pretty sure that the nice cozy blanket has been infested with some sort of bug(s). I have red itchy whelps all over my legs.
I changed over to the couch which I know is safe. I have to place an order for water and milk. Seems pretty simple unless you’re trying to figure out how mobiles and phone numbers work here. I couldn’t get any of the numbers to work. I finally called someone and they said that sometimes you can’t call landlines from mobiles. I went and used the landline. The items were delivered.
I was ready to crash at this point (it’s about 5pm & the headache is coming back), but instead was sent inspiration to learn Hindi. Not only did the person come to deliver the water and milk, but then some strange man came to the door. After that someone came to deliver my roommate’s train ticket which I wasn’t expecting. I tried to ring her but there wasn’t any answer. I just paid for the ticket and tried to lay back down. Then came the neighbor. All I understood was water and pump. I took a guess that one of the roommates had turned the pump on to fill our tank and it was now overflowing. I went and turned it off. I ended up being right. At this point I had given up on resting and decided to try to order food to be delivered. It was a success. I enjoyed some amazing chicken biryani, garlic nan, and paneer parantha. The first is a chicken and rice dish. The others are types of tortilla like breads (one with garlic, the other filled with cheese).
Then the evening ended well with my roommates coming back and a surprise visitor. We had great conversation over tea and biscuits.
First, I’ve been sick and in bed yesterday and today (Friday, Jan 30th). My host says it’s normal. I was pretty exhausted and the pollution here can get to you especially if you have any kind of allergies. There’s nothing like blowing out black snot. Most of the past two nights I’ve been hacking up my lungs and other gunk. This was accompanied with a fever and a severe sinus headache. Today after sleeping in till almost noon I was awaken by my mobile ringing. It was my good friend B. After a few sentences the call was dropped which I’m finding to be very common here. I couldn’t reach her after that. I was a bit bummed.
I got up and made myself some of my favorite tea that I brought with me. I snuggled into this nice chair and wrapped this warm blanket around me. I also enjoyed a delicious orange. I had a great afternoon catching up on email and my blog. Then I realize that my legs are itching. Yeah, we are pretty sure that the nice cozy blanket has been infested with some sort of bug(s). I have red itchy whelps all over my legs.
I changed over to the couch which I know is safe. I have to place an order for water and milk. Seems pretty simple unless you’re trying to figure out how mobiles and phone numbers work here. I couldn’t get any of the numbers to work. I finally called someone and they said that sometimes you can’t call landlines from mobiles. I went and used the landline. The items were delivered.
I was ready to crash at this point (it’s about 5pm & the headache is coming back), but instead was sent inspiration to learn Hindi. Not only did the person come to deliver the water and milk, but then some strange man came to the door. After that someone came to deliver my roommate’s train ticket which I wasn’t expecting. I tried to ring her but there wasn’t any answer. I just paid for the ticket and tried to lay back down. Then came the neighbor. All I understood was water and pump. I took a guess that one of the roommates had turned the pump on to fill our tank and it was now overflowing. I went and turned it off. I ended up being right. At this point I had given up on resting and decided to try to order food to be delivered. It was a success. I enjoyed some amazing chicken biryani, garlic nan, and paneer parantha. The first is a chicken and rice dish. The others are types of tortilla like breads (one with garlic, the other filled with cheese).
Then the evening ended well with my roommates coming back and a surprise visitor. We had great conversation over tea and biscuits.
30 January 2009
The Second Half of the Journey
I’ve never flown KLM or been through Amsterdam. I think Amsterdam would be a place I would like to visit---at least from looking at the postcards=)
It was in Amsterdam I found out why I had to check my carry on. There are different restrictions for carry ons btw Europe and Asia. There’s also high security flying into South Asia. We had to through another full security check. I was highly entertained by a Scottish woman. She was a bit racy and shared her opinions freely. My layover wasn’t boring at all. We did a lot of people watching and speculation of people’s stories.
On the plane I was seated by a Punjabi man and his son. They were on their way to visit the man’s parents. The man and his son live in Germany. They only spoke German and Punjabi. My listening skills were tested as I tried to talk to the little boy who mixed the two languages. The man and I were able to communicate pretty well. There were some random words that failed me after being sleep deprived for more than 20 hours such as deice and the word for the wing on a plane. I enjoyed using my German again. Somehow the airline attendants thought we were married. I infer that from a comment they made when they came around checking on special meal orders. The attendant made the jester to us and the Indian couple across from us as being one family. I didn’t think anything of it until I was in line for customs. I realized I wasn’t ever given my immigration form on the plane. I slept a great deal and I think they didn’t wake me (which they typically do) because they thought the Punjabi man was my husband. Luckily, the immigration guy was nice and let me fill the form out without having to go to the end of the line.
After making it through immigration I went to collect my bags. Thank goodness all my baggage arrived with nothing missing or damaged. My host had fun watching me unpack. It is always interesting to see what newbies bring because you never really know what to bring. The company gave me a list of things to bring based on not living in a large city but I live in a city with 20 million people.
When I went shopping my first day here, I was pleased to find all sorts of food items I almost brought but are easily found here. I was also delighted to find a great selection of fruits and veggies. The best part is there are shops now with readymade clothes for people my size. YEAH!
I feel a bit spoiled. I have the best host. She uses her home as a guesthouse. I might end up staying with her during my year of language study since it’s so close to the school. There are lots of benefits of living with someone who has been here for 9 years. One is she has western toilets. Two is she has a wash machine. Three is she has a water heater (which they call geezers here). Four she has satellite TV. Five she has wireless. Six her house help cleans the house and washes dishes (note: It is customary to have house help. It’s not a luxury. It provides jobs for people and helps us out tremendously. We would be looked down upon by our community if we didn’t). I have access to all this as part of my rent. A special person lives in our neighborhood so we have electricity and water more often than other people. I’m a bit spoiled to begin with but it will help with the transition. There’s enough stuff I have to deal with than not being comfortable at home.
The weather hasn’t been as cold as anticipated but it’s been cool enough. I am taking a trip to visit a friend and her new baby next week. When I return I will start classes and have full orientation at work. It’s been good to have time to rest. I have a cold. My host says that most people get a cold the first week simply from exhaustion and acclimating to the pollution. I’m learning to be gracious to myself and am resting.
It was in Amsterdam I found out why I had to check my carry on. There are different restrictions for carry ons btw Europe and Asia. There’s also high security flying into South Asia. We had to through another full security check. I was highly entertained by a Scottish woman. She was a bit racy and shared her opinions freely. My layover wasn’t boring at all. We did a lot of people watching and speculation of people’s stories.
On the plane I was seated by a Punjabi man and his son. They were on their way to visit the man’s parents. The man and his son live in Germany. They only spoke German and Punjabi. My listening skills were tested as I tried to talk to the little boy who mixed the two languages. The man and I were able to communicate pretty well. There were some random words that failed me after being sleep deprived for more than 20 hours such as deice and the word for the wing on a plane. I enjoyed using my German again. Somehow the airline attendants thought we were married. I infer that from a comment they made when they came around checking on special meal orders. The attendant made the jester to us and the Indian couple across from us as being one family. I didn’t think anything of it until I was in line for customs. I realized I wasn’t ever given my immigration form on the plane. I slept a great deal and I think they didn’t wake me (which they typically do) because they thought the Punjabi man was my husband. Luckily, the immigration guy was nice and let me fill the form out without having to go to the end of the line.
After making it through immigration I went to collect my bags. Thank goodness all my baggage arrived with nothing missing or damaged. My host had fun watching me unpack. It is always interesting to see what newbies bring because you never really know what to bring. The company gave me a list of things to bring based on not living in a large city but I live in a city with 20 million people.
When I went shopping my first day here, I was pleased to find all sorts of food items I almost brought but are easily found here. I was also delighted to find a great selection of fruits and veggies. The best part is there are shops now with readymade clothes for people my size. YEAH!
I feel a bit spoiled. I have the best host. She uses her home as a guesthouse. I might end up staying with her during my year of language study since it’s so close to the school. There are lots of benefits of living with someone who has been here for 9 years. One is she has western toilets. Two is she has a wash machine. Three is she has a water heater (which they call geezers here). Four she has satellite TV. Five she has wireless. Six her house help cleans the house and washes dishes (note: It is customary to have house help. It’s not a luxury. It provides jobs for people and helps us out tremendously. We would be looked down upon by our community if we didn’t). I have access to all this as part of my rent. A special person lives in our neighborhood so we have electricity and water more often than other people. I’m a bit spoiled to begin with but it will help with the transition. There’s enough stuff I have to deal with than not being comfortable at home.
The weather hasn’t been as cold as anticipated but it’s been cool enough. I am taking a trip to visit a friend and her new baby next week. When I return I will start classes and have full orientation at work. It’s been good to have time to rest. I have a cold. My host says that most people get a cold the first week simply from exhaustion and acclimating to the pollution. I’m learning to be gracious to myself and am resting.
29 January 2009
I'm on a Jet Plane
I’m writing this on the plane. To be honest I’ve never worked on my computer on a plane before. This seems a bit odd to me. This morning was so surreal. In some ways it seemed normal. I’ve made this trip before. Then there’s the reality that this isn’t just a trip.
Friday, I had a great time with my family celebrating my younger sister’s birthday. Saturday morning I was able to enjoy my goddaughter’s 4th birthday party. It was hard to leave. My sisters picked me up and we went out to have one last sister night. We enjoyed dinner and a very curious movie. The main character even went to India to find himself. Then there was a poignant quote, “You can never truly miss someone until their gone.” I’m certain I am going to find that to be true.
Sunday I had some special time with my parents. Then my brother-in-law’s mom and sister came by to say goodbye. My grandma and uncle joined us for some excellent homemade chicken and dumplings. What can I say, my mom makes the best. My older sister, her girls and I ended up dragging enough mattresses into one room so we could have a slumber party.
This morning we did our usual Saturday morning breakfast but on Monday. Then I went to get my haircut. Then it felt like the clock stopped. Time started to drag. The anticipation was building. Noon hit and everyone teared up and we loaded the car and headed for the airport.
Everything went smoothly except they made me check my carry-on. I’m a bit hacked about it. They claimed that they needed to limit passengers to one item only and that my carry on was too heavy. I couldn’t convince them otherwise. I only got to bring my computer on the plane. I really hope nothing happens to that bag. I had to pay to check it. I couldn’t leave it and it wouldn’t fit in my other luggage or computer bag. It really sucked.
There’s about six more hours left on this flight. I’ll have to finish this story later.
Friday, I had a great time with my family celebrating my younger sister’s birthday. Saturday morning I was able to enjoy my goddaughter’s 4th birthday party. It was hard to leave. My sisters picked me up and we went out to have one last sister night. We enjoyed dinner and a very curious movie. The main character even went to India to find himself. Then there was a poignant quote, “You can never truly miss someone until their gone.” I’m certain I am going to find that to be true.
Sunday I had some special time with my parents. Then my brother-in-law’s mom and sister came by to say goodbye. My grandma and uncle joined us for some excellent homemade chicken and dumplings. What can I say, my mom makes the best. My older sister, her girls and I ended up dragging enough mattresses into one room so we could have a slumber party.
This morning we did our usual Saturday morning breakfast but on Monday. Then I went to get my haircut. Then it felt like the clock stopped. Time started to drag. The anticipation was building. Noon hit and everyone teared up and we loaded the car and headed for the airport.
Everything went smoothly except they made me check my carry-on. I’m a bit hacked about it. They claimed that they needed to limit passengers to one item only and that my carry on was too heavy. I couldn’t convince them otherwise. I only got to bring my computer on the plane. I really hope nothing happens to that bag. I had to pay to check it. I couldn’t leave it and it wouldn’t fit in my other luggage or computer bag. It really sucked.
There’s about six more hours left on this flight. I’ll have to finish this story later.
Surprise Guests!
I have been able to see people I haven’t seen for several years. The first was an unexpected visit from my friend Chris. We grew up in the same neighborhood and have always called ourselves brother and sister. Chris, his wife, and girls are moving back to town. He stopped by unannounced. What timing.
Yesterday, my parents did my last farewell thing. Friends old and new came. There were many surprises. The first was my friend Rachel and her son. Rachel and I have known each other for at least 23 years if not longer. We thought we had already said our goodbye but I’m glad we got another chance to see each other. Her parents, sister, and nephew were also there.
Another friend, Allison, happened to be in town visiting her mom. They both came. Allison and I have known each other since junior high. It meant so much to see her before I left.
Then I thought I was seeing things. I turned around and saw someone in the doorway and thought, “That looks like Lucia.” Then I looked again and it really was Lucia. Lucia and her husband Allan had also been in town for something else and were able to come by. I haven’t seen then in years.
Those were pleasant surprises. It was just wonderful to have all the people I love so much in one room. Saying goodbye well will allow me to say hello well to all the new things in my life.
Today I am supposed to say goodbye to another dear friend. Tomorrow my nieces are out of school for MLK Day. My nieces, my sisters (including Rachael), and I are having a girls’ day out. We will be going out to eat and seeing Bedtime Stories.
Tuesday will be my last day of errands (hopefully). I’m having lunch with the Peacocks sometime this week. Saturday I will go to my goddaughter’s birthday party and have to say goodbye to her and her family.
Then Monday will be the hardest, so let’s not go there yet. It will be here soon enough.
Yesterday, my parents did my last farewell thing. Friends old and new came. There were many surprises. The first was my friend Rachel and her son. Rachel and I have known each other for at least 23 years if not longer. We thought we had already said our goodbye but I’m glad we got another chance to see each other. Her parents, sister, and nephew were also there.
Another friend, Allison, happened to be in town visiting her mom. They both came. Allison and I have known each other since junior high. It meant so much to see her before I left.
Then I thought I was seeing things. I turned around and saw someone in the doorway and thought, “That looks like Lucia.” Then I looked again and it really was Lucia. Lucia and her husband Allan had also been in town for something else and were able to come by. I haven’t seen then in years.
Those were pleasant surprises. It was just wonderful to have all the people I love so much in one room. Saying goodbye well will allow me to say hello well to all the new things in my life.
Today I am supposed to say goodbye to another dear friend. Tomorrow my nieces are out of school for MLK Day. My nieces, my sisters (including Rachael), and I are having a girls’ day out. We will be going out to eat and seeing Bedtime Stories.
Tuesday will be my last day of errands (hopefully). I’m having lunch with the Peacocks sometime this week. Saturday I will go to my goddaughter’s birthday party and have to say goodbye to her and her family.
Then Monday will be the hardest, so let’s not go there yet. It will be here soon enough.
Back to Saying Goodbye
My friends back in my parents’ home town also gave me a farewell party. It was great. My favorite foods and favorite people, what more can you ask for? My friends who put the party together had me register. It was somewhat profitable. I got some much needed things and some fun things.
Before my surgery I went with my friend to get everything I need to take. I have everything (minus a few things) and now I just need to pack. Got to weigh my bags and make sure they are only 50lbs. each.
Before my surgery I went with my friend to get everything I need to take. I have everything (minus a few things) and now I just need to pack. Got to weigh my bags and make sure they are only 50lbs. each.
Surgery. Avoid at all cost=(
I am a horrible sick person. Just ask my family, if they weren’t my family then they would have disowned me. I wasn’t nervous about the surgery until the anesthesiologist came in and explained the tubes would be inserted into my stomach and lungs. I didn’t like that idea. They came in to give me some light drugs that were supposed to start the sedation and well I don’t remember anything after that. I woke up not knowing if the procedure had happened yet and some person was reaching into my gown and pulling my heart monitors off my chest. A bit weird to say the least. This nurse was trying to get me to eat crackers and drink 7Up. I just wanted to either vomit or sleep. Apparently, when they removed the tube from my stomach I had done just that…vomited. They were giving me anti-nausea drugs and pain meds. The nurses thought I was good to go. I fooled them. The moment I got home I started vomiting. I continued to vomit two or three times an hour in 10-15 increments. My family was on the phone with the doctor. They tried various things and finally ended up having to take me to the ER.That was a nightmare. First, the wait. Second, they couldn’t find vein to put my IV in (I have multiple bruises to prove it). Third, a nurse with horrible bedside manners (I thought my parents were going to kill him). I ended up being admitted to the hospital and told I couldn’t leave until I could keep down a meal. That’s really exciting considering hospital food could make a well person vomit.In the morning I ended up keeping a clear diet down (go jello!). I got a regular lunch…chicken fried steak covered in gravy with garlic mac & cheese and peas. Did they want me to really leave? I ate the dinner roll, some of the chicken fried steak (after taking the gravy off), and some peas. It stayed down! I went home and recovery has gone well.
Goodbyes Continued...oh, wait!
Some of you might have caught on that I was actually supposed to leave already (Jan 8th). I had a little mishap called a gallbladder attack. I ended up have surgery instead of leaving. After the doctor’s approval this coming Monday (Jan 26th) I will be leaving.
Everyday Miracles
The 2007-2008 school year offered me many challenges in the classroom. My students have always acted like a mirror for me. They have brought out the best and worst in me. They have been my best teachers.
I had several students in my class which we refer to as “hard-to-handle.” Typically, I deal well with these students and they end up being my favorites (let’s be honest, all teachers have favorites). It seemed to me that I had more in this class than usual or they had just the right personality to get to me more than others have. One of those students’ was a boy I’ll name Dave.
Dave was a very energetic boy. He was cared for by his disabled grandfather. They lived in a rundown house with leaking a leaky roof that wasn’t well insulated. It wasn’t the best place for a child to be living. He basically took care of himself at 10 years old. When he came to school Dave was usually not bathed or groomed. He had a certain smell that could make you gag. Dave’s clothes were always dirty and torn. What always got me were his fingernails. His nails were so dirty that his cuticles were infected. I did what I could to help him. The nurse let him bathe in the mornings if he arrived early. The social worker would help Dave get new clothes or wash the ones he wore.
What broke my heart the most was the look in his eyes of a loss of childhood, a loss of innocence. Dave’s anger was fierce. Along with the help of other teachers and some administrators we worked on a plan to help him learn to deal with his emotions. Dave was making a lot of progress which also helped his academics. Then one day he moved.
I found out that he moved to my friend’s school. She kept me up-to-date with his progress. Then I got word that Dave’s grandfather died. I worried about who would take care of him.
I got to see Dave when I went to visit my friend at her school. She had me hide behind the door while she pulled him out on the pretense that he was in trouble. Then she said, “This woman wants to speak to you.” She stepped out of the way. He squealed my name and just about tackled me.
I wanted to cry. Dave was about a foot taller, well groomed and clean---even his nails! His eyes gleamed with the innocence of a child. He passed his TAKS test and was doing well in class. Dave said he was now living with his aunt. Thank you Dave’s aunt. I’ve never met you but I think you’re wonderful.
Seeing Dave doing well made all the stress, pain and hard work of that year worth it. Just as Dave has been changed by that year so have I. We are both better for knowing each other. We definitely have someone greater to thank for the work He did in us and will continue to do in the years to come.
I love you Dave! Keep up the good work. Thanks Ms. Kelley for all you’ve done.
I had several students in my class which we refer to as “hard-to-handle.” Typically, I deal well with these students and they end up being my favorites (let’s be honest, all teachers have favorites). It seemed to me that I had more in this class than usual or they had just the right personality to get to me more than others have. One of those students’ was a boy I’ll name Dave.
Dave was a very energetic boy. He was cared for by his disabled grandfather. They lived in a rundown house with leaking a leaky roof that wasn’t well insulated. It wasn’t the best place for a child to be living. He basically took care of himself at 10 years old. When he came to school Dave was usually not bathed or groomed. He had a certain smell that could make you gag. Dave’s clothes were always dirty and torn. What always got me were his fingernails. His nails were so dirty that his cuticles were infected. I did what I could to help him. The nurse let him bathe in the mornings if he arrived early. The social worker would help Dave get new clothes or wash the ones he wore.
What broke my heart the most was the look in his eyes of a loss of childhood, a loss of innocence. Dave’s anger was fierce. Along with the help of other teachers and some administrators we worked on a plan to help him learn to deal with his emotions. Dave was making a lot of progress which also helped his academics. Then one day he moved.
I found out that he moved to my friend’s school. She kept me up-to-date with his progress. Then I got word that Dave’s grandfather died. I worried about who would take care of him.
I got to see Dave when I went to visit my friend at her school. She had me hide behind the door while she pulled him out on the pretense that he was in trouble. Then she said, “This woman wants to speak to you.” She stepped out of the way. He squealed my name and just about tackled me.
I wanted to cry. Dave was about a foot taller, well groomed and clean---even his nails! His eyes gleamed with the innocence of a child. He passed his TAKS test and was doing well in class. Dave said he was now living with his aunt. Thank you Dave’s aunt. I’ve never met you but I think you’re wonderful.
Seeing Dave doing well made all the stress, pain and hard work of that year worth it. Just as Dave has been changed by that year so have I. We are both better for knowing each other. We definitely have someone greater to thank for the work He did in us and will continue to do in the years to come.
I love you Dave! Keep up the good work. Thanks Ms. Kelley for all you’ve done.
Time to Say Goodbye
I have been trying my best to intentional say good-bye well to people and places over the last few months. To be honest it started in June when I left the school I have taught at for the past three years. I had to leave my community and my friends of the last six years. I’ve been so thankful that it wasn’t a sudden severing but a gradual adjustment. I’ve been able to go back and gradually and purposefully say good-bye.
My last visit to the place I call home was the first part of December. I had an amazing send off. I wanted to share some of them with you. I spent the week having coffee, lunch, dinner, and whatever other kind of gathering one can have with various people. My first night in town I had dinner with a couple that has become sort of parent figures for me. They themselves have spent time living overseas working and have been an endless source of wisdom. The place we ate was meaningful because it was a favorite spot for some friends of mine to go.
The next afternoon I got to catch up with my former teaching partner. I simply was able to lounge in her living room and play with her six month old son and chat it up. I miss working with her and seeing her every day. Love you Megan!
I had dinner with an old roommate at a local restaurant. I had lunch with a former co-worker at my favorite Thai restaurant. I went and visited my school one last time. I also went to visit another school where some friends of mine teach and saw some old students (see Everyday Miracles for more details). I also had coffee with a former professor who as always imparted some wisdom for me.
The difficult thing is you can’t have individual meetings with everyone you know. I sent an email out to everyone I had in my address book (who lived in the area) that I would be at Starbucks from 4 to 9 on Friday night. It was a great idea. I got to see so many people that way.
Saturday morning I had a precious breakfast at some friends’ house. They have the most fun-loving two red-heads in the world. They made me a special gift, a paper chain that was as tall as their ceiling.
When saying goodbye to people you must also say goodbye to places. I have one that I wanted to interject here. Before teaching elementary school I taught adult education (GED & ESL). One of the locations I taught at was a Hispanic Catholic Church. I feel in love with this place. The fathers and sisters were extraordinary people. All of them but one come from somewhere outside the US. I loved being around them. The church is over 100 years old. It’s breath-taking. I love to just sit in there. It makes me feel at peace. I went and sat one last time in its pews and just took it all in.
Sunday night I had a sending off party thrown by some of my closest friends. It was a sweet time of remembering and looking to the future. It was a good closure to my time there.
One thing that made the entire visit perfect was my hosts. I have to take time to brag about them. Chris & Melanie rock! They made their home my home. I was able to come and go as needed. I could rest or play with their adorable little son. The best part is I got to see them a lot. I will definitely miss having conversations with Mel that go from being very deep and serious to very funny and light-hearted. I love you Melanie!
One last stop on my way out of town…the perfect breakfast place with a very good friend. Then I had to drive away until next time.
My last visit to the place I call home was the first part of December. I had an amazing send off. I wanted to share some of them with you. I spent the week having coffee, lunch, dinner, and whatever other kind of gathering one can have with various people. My first night in town I had dinner with a couple that has become sort of parent figures for me. They themselves have spent time living overseas working and have been an endless source of wisdom. The place we ate was meaningful because it was a favorite spot for some friends of mine to go.
The next afternoon I got to catch up with my former teaching partner. I simply was able to lounge in her living room and play with her six month old son and chat it up. I miss working with her and seeing her every day. Love you Megan!
I had dinner with an old roommate at a local restaurant. I had lunch with a former co-worker at my favorite Thai restaurant. I went and visited my school one last time. I also went to visit another school where some friends of mine teach and saw some old students (see Everyday Miracles for more details). I also had coffee with a former professor who as always imparted some wisdom for me.
The difficult thing is you can’t have individual meetings with everyone you know. I sent an email out to everyone I had in my address book (who lived in the area) that I would be at Starbucks from 4 to 9 on Friday night. It was a great idea. I got to see so many people that way.
Saturday morning I had a precious breakfast at some friends’ house. They have the most fun-loving two red-heads in the world. They made me a special gift, a paper chain that was as tall as their ceiling.
When saying goodbye to people you must also say goodbye to places. I have one that I wanted to interject here. Before teaching elementary school I taught adult education (GED & ESL). One of the locations I taught at was a Hispanic Catholic Church. I feel in love with this place. The fathers and sisters were extraordinary people. All of them but one come from somewhere outside the US. I loved being around them. The church is over 100 years old. It’s breath-taking. I love to just sit in there. It makes me feel at peace. I went and sat one last time in its pews and just took it all in.
Sunday night I had a sending off party thrown by some of my closest friends. It was a sweet time of remembering and looking to the future. It was a good closure to my time there.
One thing that made the entire visit perfect was my hosts. I have to take time to brag about them. Chris & Melanie rock! They made their home my home. I was able to come and go as needed. I could rest or play with their adorable little son. The best part is I got to see them a lot. I will definitely miss having conversations with Mel that go from being very deep and serious to very funny and light-hearted. I love you Melanie!
One last stop on my way out of town…the perfect breakfast place with a very good friend. Then I had to drive away until next time.
The Transition Bridge
When I last left you I said I would talk about saying goodbye well and transition. While at training our instructors gave us a great image of what people who move to another place experience. It doesn’t matter if you are moving overseas or within your own country. When you move to another culture (which can be in your own country) the transition is more extreme.
If you can imagine with me two sturdy wooden chairs, the kind you would use to stand on to reach something in a high spot. Then connected to those two chairs making a bridge are two conference room style chairs, the ones that have the curved bowed legs that allow you to rock back and forth. Then comes three large exercise balls held together by saran wrap. After the balls are two more conference chairs and finally two more sturdy wooden chairs. Would you like to walk across this bridge?
The sturdy wooden chairs represent our lives when we are settled. We feel safe and have a routine and know the rules of our society (spoken and unspoken). When someone starts pulling up roots, packing up their belongings, and saying good-bye to people and places they become unsettled. This is represented by the not so sturdy conference chairs. As we get in that U-Haul or on the plane to go to our new “home” we are stepping out on very unstable exercise balls held together by saran wrap. This is the stage known as chaos. A person no longer has any identity in their community. They don’t understand the rules of society and possibly not even the language. As an adult it feels as if you become a two year again. The good news is there are chairs past the “chaos,” but it can take a while to get there. For some it can take them six months to a year to enter an unsettled stage again. On average it takes a person about two years to reach a settled stage. This is just a glimpse into what I’ve been experiencing this past year and what I have to look forward to.
As I started packing and making decisions about leaving the place I have lived for the past six years I started moving into the unsettled phase. When I left this place in June to move near family before I left I became even more unsettled. Here I am days away from departure and can feel the chaos starting to approach. It’s like walking closer and closer to a ledge and knowing once you get there you have to jump off. Here’s to 8 more days till my jump!
Disclaimer: I wrote this 10 days before I left and then didn't get it published. Now I am actually in the motherland.
02 December 2008
HIV Negative
I'm sure the title of the blog got your attention. I hope it did. In order to live, study, & work in India one must have an HIV test. I was appalled when my doctor would not give me the test. Then I went on a quest to find the nearest clinic. As I searched the web and started calling places I was astonished at the cost of the test. I thought we had come a long way in the fight against AIDS and HIV prevention. I was wrong.
The closest and cheapest ($76) clinic was Planned Parenthood. Growing up I viewed PP as the poor man's gyno. It offers invaluable and necessary services to those who can't afford to get it anywhere else. It wasn't until I was in high school and college that I realized there was a stigma that went with this place and the ethical dilemma of their abortion practices. I felt that yesterday as I sat in the waiting room. Everyone was desperate not to make eye contact. I noticed two things happen inside of me. One I'm proud of; the other I'm ashamed of. My first reaction was to reach out and talk to people. There's no shame in being there. I wondered what their stories were. Then my second reaction came from the darkest part of my heart. Questions that were not of love or compassion but of judgement. The saddest part was I knew where I had learned it. During my 2 hour wait I ended up talking to a mother and daughter sitting next to me and the woman who shared my last name (we both kept answering when they called our name to come to the counter).
I was finally called back. It took just a few minutes for them to prick my finger and put my blood on what looked like a pregnancy test. Then I was back in the waiting room for the longest 15 minutes of my life. As far as I know there hasn't been any way I've been exposed to HIV. I was confident that I would be negative. For some reason I found myself nervous and concerned. I started thinking about all the people I know who are HIV positive and all the people I know that have lost loved ones to the horrid disease. My heart broke for them. When they called me back to give me the results I truly was able to give thanks that I was HIV negative. It's something that we shouldn't take for granted.
Below is a link to an article I found on BBC. I thought it was pretty interesting so I wanted to pass it along.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7754007.stm
It doesn't matter how people contract HIV, it's our privilege to show love and compassion to those who suffer. We should consider it an honor if we are given the chance to walk with those who are HIV positive. We have an obligation to fight for their right and access to affordable health care. Judgement should never be an option.
The closest and cheapest ($76) clinic was Planned Parenthood. Growing up I viewed PP as the poor man's gyno. It offers invaluable and necessary services to those who can't afford to get it anywhere else. It wasn't until I was in high school and college that I realized there was a stigma that went with this place and the ethical dilemma of their abortion practices. I felt that yesterday as I sat in the waiting room. Everyone was desperate not to make eye contact. I noticed two things happen inside of me. One I'm proud of; the other I'm ashamed of. My first reaction was to reach out and talk to people. There's no shame in being there. I wondered what their stories were. Then my second reaction came from the darkest part of my heart. Questions that were not of love or compassion but of judgement. The saddest part was I knew where I had learned it. During my 2 hour wait I ended up talking to a mother and daughter sitting next to me and the woman who shared my last name (we both kept answering when they called our name to come to the counter).
I was finally called back. It took just a few minutes for them to prick my finger and put my blood on what looked like a pregnancy test. Then I was back in the waiting room for the longest 15 minutes of my life. As far as I know there hasn't been any way I've been exposed to HIV. I was confident that I would be negative. For some reason I found myself nervous and concerned. I started thinking about all the people I know who are HIV positive and all the people I know that have lost loved ones to the horrid disease. My heart broke for them. When they called me back to give me the results I truly was able to give thanks that I was HIV negative. It's something that we shouldn't take for granted.
Below is a link to an article I found on BBC. I thought it was pretty interesting so I wanted to pass it along.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7754007.stm
It doesn't matter how people contract HIV, it's our privilege to show love and compassion to those who suffer. We should consider it an honor if we are given the chance to walk with those who are HIV positive. We have an obligation to fight for their right and access to affordable health care. Judgement should never be an option.
15 November 2008
Mount Rushmore
The Black Hills of South Dakota are BEAUTIFUL!!!! The pictures don't do it justice. It was so cool to see Mount Rushmore. It's worth the trip if you ever get the chance.
Pikes Peak
If you ever want to go to the top of Pikes Peak, I would recommend you drive. Be prepared for some strong winds and to freeze no matter what time of year. It is over 14,000 feet above sea level.
06 November 2008
What to expect next...
The Transitional Bridge: moving from settled to unsettled to chaos to resettling to settled. I am currently in the unsettled stage and will move into chaos the closer I get to leaving. If you are connected to me you will also have to cross this bridge.
Quick update: My new expected departure is January. Things are coming together faster than expected.
Healthy Good-byes & Hellos
Quick update: My new expected departure is January. Things are coming together faster than expected.
Healthy Good-byes & Hellos
Grief & Loss
I have always been ashamed of the way I express my emotions and cry at the drop of a hat. I’ve learned here that I have a healthy sense of grieving. My shame is hindering the good that can come from those tears. For the first time in my life I felt free to truly grieve this week.
There are many things I am grieving. I am losing any sense of stability. Home is an abstract concept. My life does not have routines. With each passing day life becomes more and more unpredictable.
I am already struggling with a sense of lost identity. I have moved from my community. I am no longer a teacher and will soon become a language student. Once I leave I will not be anyone’s friend and it won’t matter to anyone who my parents are or where I grew up. I will become a stereotype of what others think Americans (or even Texans) are. This is always not a good thing. That’s an issue for a later blog.
As I move away I must let go of all my support systems and have to rely on strangers. Things will not come easy and I will have to get use to things taking longer. My goals and ambitions will take longer because I will lose my competency. As a language learner, I will be functioning as a 2-3 year old. I will have to learn every aspect of daily life over again.
Then there are still anticipated losses which I must face. The good-byes. I’ve already had to say some. They are hard especially when the elderly or children are involved. The hardest good-byes will be to my sweet nieces and embracing the loss of missing out on their lives. I also have three precious godchildren. I must grieve the loss of missing out on their lives as well. The reality of losing those you love while you’re gone. My grandparents are in their eighties. At this point I consider each day with them an extended gift. This decision means missing out on family events.
I draw comfort that though nothing can replace these relationships and experiences that I must let go of I will have new relationships and experiences to fill the loss.
There are many things I am grieving. I am losing any sense of stability. Home is an abstract concept. My life does not have routines. With each passing day life becomes more and more unpredictable.
I am already struggling with a sense of lost identity. I have moved from my community. I am no longer a teacher and will soon become a language student. Once I leave I will not be anyone’s friend and it won’t matter to anyone who my parents are or where I grew up. I will become a stereotype of what others think Americans (or even Texans) are. This is always not a good thing. That’s an issue for a later blog.
As I move away I must let go of all my support systems and have to rely on strangers. Things will not come easy and I will have to get use to things taking longer. My goals and ambitions will take longer because I will lose my competency. As a language learner, I will be functioning as a 2-3 year old. I will have to learn every aspect of daily life over again.
Then there are still anticipated losses which I must face. The good-byes. I’ve already had to say some. They are hard especially when the elderly or children are involved. The hardest good-byes will be to my sweet nieces and embracing the loss of missing out on their lives. I also have three precious godchildren. I must grieve the loss of missing out on their lives as well. The reality of losing those you love while you’re gone. My grandparents are in their eighties. At this point I consider each day with them an extended gift. This decision means missing out on family events.
I draw comfort that though nothing can replace these relationships and experiences that I must let go of I will have new relationships and experiences to fill the loss.
Stress Management
This is an area which I have been struggling with. If I catch stress early I usually deal with it well and can defuse it. In the midst of chaos, I tend to ignore my early warning signs of stress and then when I finally do realize I’m stressed out I have to do a lot of damage control/recovery to do. The following questions help me identify if I am stressed:
- Do you have muscle tension (especially in your neck & shoulders)?
- How’s your stomach? (my bowels are a great indicator of how I’m doing=)
- Are you sleeping through the night? Are you having any bad dreams?
- What’s annoying you? (if it’s all the little things I need to withdraw)
- What are you reading? (if I’m not reading, then things are not ok)
- Am I exercising on a regular basis?
- Am I eating healthy?
- Am I honoring myself? This last question is key. This refers to knowing myself and acknowledging my personality, preferences, gifts, limitations, areas of vulnerability, areas of health and victory? If I’m honoring myself then I should be doing pretty well. If I’m not, then something is going to be off and I’m going to be out of balance.
If you want to encourage me on this journey, use these questions to keep me accountable to healthy cross-cultural living principles. Another key component of managing stress is resting. It would also be appropriate to ask me when was the last time I took the day off or went on a weekend get away. If I don’t rest on a regular basis I won’t be able to manage my stress through. If I don’t manage my stress I increase my possibility of health related issues and coming home prematurely.
Conflict Management
I am a shark! Those of you that know me well have probably most definitely felt my bite. I am a shark that has learned skills in order to change my conflict management depending on the situation and the person I am relating to. It doesn’t matter what I do on the outside my heart processes conflict in the following ways:
- I have a strong sense of right and wrong.
- It is important for me to be right.
- If my character is offended in anyway I will shut down.
- I have a need to take charge and be in control.
- It is important to be direct and get right to the point.
- The closer you are to me the worse my bite.
Some of you might be surprised by this and disagree. The issue isn’t in what I do but what is going on inside of me in the midst of conflict. When I act differently in conflict than what I described above, it is because I have learned to change my conflict management based on the situation and the person. When I function from another style I am operating from my brain and not my heart. Thank goodness I’ve learned to do that. Please forgive me where I haven’t.
Paradox & Expectations
The most complicated part of preparing to go to a foreign country is the paradoxes I live everyday. The simplest example of this is the great excitement I feel in anticipating my departure coupled with the great amount of grief there is in saying good-bye to everything familiar and to all the people that mean so much to me. Our instructors gave us this great visual for the paradoxes we are experiencing. Imagine a person standing in the center of the room. Put a large stretchy band around the waist of this person and stretch it out in two different directions. On one end of the stretchy band are the “yeah!” feelings I am having. On the other end are the “yuck!” feelings. Both these feelings live in tension around the center of the person. Don’t stop there. Add another stretchy band and stretch it out in opposite directions. This tension represents the expectations I have versus the reality I will face. The close my expectations are to reality the less tension I will experience. Now add another band with the expectations of nationals on one end and the expectations still coming from the States. The stressful thing about this tension is I don’t have any control over the expectations that others have of me. All I can do is figure out healthy ways to deal with this tension. Alas, I live a paradox in the midst of all these tensions. This leads to my next entry…conflict management.
Worldview
How do you view the world? There are many lenses that we look through when we observe and interact with our world. At the core is our lens of Faith. This answers the question of “What is real?” Moving outward we find our lens of Beliefs which answers “What is true?” From that lens we view our values which tells us “What is good or best?” All these lenses combine to dictate our Behaviors which demonstrate our worldview by “What is done?”
Every culture and sub-culture has different lenses. The challenge for me living cross-culturally is to try to see the world through other lenses. This can be difficult to do and takes a great deal of intentionality. It will be important for me to wrestle with this in order to function, communicate, and thrive in India.
I took an inventory of my values and identified which values are probably going to my greatest hurdles when I arrive in a few months. The first is my need to be independent and in control. Both of these will go out the window the moment I get on the plane. When a person enters a new culture they must be dependent on others and revert back to being more like a child. The everyday routines of life will no longer be familiar. I won’t know how to get around or go to the grocery store or even cook the food. Every aspect of life must be relearned. To top it all off I won’t speak the language or be able to communicate.
Another value that I will have to wrestle with is my knowledge and experience. I have very little knowledge and experience of Indian life and the Indian worldview. In fact I know just enough that I think it’s going to be more of a stumbling block because my knowledge/experience gives me a false sense of confidence.
Have you ever thought about how friendships are different in various cultures? As Americans we have certain expectations of our friends. In different cultures people have different expectations of how friends should interact and relate to each other. How friendships are formed and when one is considered a friend is also very different from one culture to another. Having intimate friendships are very important to me. I do not know what that will look like or how long it will take to form intimate relationships in India.
Also concerning relationships, I do not know what loyalty and respect look like in India. These are two characteristics I highly value in my relationships and interactions with others. Both of these qualities can be demonstrated very differently. It kind of is like the idea of love languages. When you know someone’s love language you can communicate love to them in a way that is meaningful to them. I will need to learn how Indians show loyalty and respect in order to know/understand how these values are communicated.
Every culture and sub-culture has different lenses. The challenge for me living cross-culturally is to try to see the world through other lenses. This can be difficult to do and takes a great deal of intentionality. It will be important for me to wrestle with this in order to function, communicate, and thrive in India.
I took an inventory of my values and identified which values are probably going to my greatest hurdles when I arrive in a few months. The first is my need to be independent and in control. Both of these will go out the window the moment I get on the plane. When a person enters a new culture they must be dependent on others and revert back to being more like a child. The everyday routines of life will no longer be familiar. I won’t know how to get around or go to the grocery store or even cook the food. Every aspect of life must be relearned. To top it all off I won’t speak the language or be able to communicate.
Another value that I will have to wrestle with is my knowledge and experience. I have very little knowledge and experience of Indian life and the Indian worldview. In fact I know just enough that I think it’s going to be more of a stumbling block because my knowledge/experience gives me a false sense of confidence.
Have you ever thought about how friendships are different in various cultures? As Americans we have certain expectations of our friends. In different cultures people have different expectations of how friends should interact and relate to each other. How friendships are formed and when one is considered a friend is also very different from one culture to another. Having intimate friendships are very important to me. I do not know what that will look like or how long it will take to form intimate relationships in India.
Also concerning relationships, I do not know what loyalty and respect look like in India. These are two characteristics I highly value in my relationships and interactions with others. Both of these qualities can be demonstrated very differently. It kind of is like the idea of love languages. When you know someone’s love language you can communicate love to them in a way that is meaningful to them. I will need to learn how Indians show loyalty and respect in order to know/understand how these values are communicated.
Cross-Cultural Training 101
I have been in Colorado for three weeks. During this time I have been looking at various aspects of living cross-culturally and anticipating how I might respond. To do that I have looked at my personality, worldview and cultural values, conflict management style, stress management and how I grieve. I’ve decided to make a series of entries related to my experiences here and what I have learned.
23 October 2008
A Long Process
Some of you are probably wondering when the heck I'm actually going to leave for India. The truth is the process of moving overseas takes a long time. From the time the decision is made to actually getting on a plane can be a year or two. My organization is a non-profit group so I have to raise funds. I've been working on that since July. It's been a very humbling experience. So far so good. If things go as projected I will be on a plane by March.
As a part of my preparation I am attending training on living cross-culturally and language acquisition. My company has struggled keeping people more than a year. They have found that this training helps people adjust to living overseas and equips them to stay longer. They also highly encourage people to do some formal language study (even though I will be teaching in English) in order to function better in their community. When I first arrive in India I will be studying Hindi for about a year and then be placed at a school.
The thing about moving overseas and living in another culture is your life becomes a paradox. For instance, I'm so excited about going and having this opportunity but it's incredibly difficult to leave and say good-bye to all that is familiar. If you have never made this transition you probably would think a that I'm crazy but I'm not. All my conflicting feelings are normal (at least that's what they tell me here). I'll try to post reflections of my training when I can.
As a part of my preparation I am attending training on living cross-culturally and language acquisition. My company has struggled keeping people more than a year. They have found that this training helps people adjust to living overseas and equips them to stay longer. They also highly encourage people to do some formal language study (even though I will be teaching in English) in order to function better in their community. When I first arrive in India I will be studying Hindi for about a year and then be placed at a school.
The thing about moving overseas and living in another culture is your life becomes a paradox. For instance, I'm so excited about going and having this opportunity but it's incredibly difficult to leave and say good-bye to all that is familiar. If you have never made this transition you probably would think a that I'm crazy but I'm not. All my conflicting feelings are normal (at least that's what they tell me here). I'll try to post reflections of my training when I can.
20 September 2008
Detour due to IKE
I had been watching the news carefully. First for Hanna, then for Ike. The news was certain that Ike was to hit South TX. I didn't need to rush home. Then I woke up Thursday morning to find reports saying that Galveston was the target. It would have been to great a risk to try to drive home into Ike. I headed to Tuscaloosa, AL which were in the original plans. It was suppose to be just for a night and ended up being for 3 nights. I'm so grateful to the Bullards for their hospitality. Their four kids always make me smile. I wasn't much of a guest because I spent most of the time glued to the television watching my hometown get slammed by Ike. Saturday morning the reality hit...gas prices were through the roof and was being rationed. I had to make a plan and find people and places with gas in order to get home. After many phone calls and emails I was ready to make the 3 day drive home that I was suppose to have driven in a day. Instead of cutting down and taking I-10 home I was taking I-20 and then 59.
My first stop after Tuscaloosa, Al was Brandon, MS. I had made contact with a friend back in Waco whose parents lived there. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't have been able to find gas. After spending the night there I headed to Longview, TX. I cried when I crosses the state line. I was so thankful just to be back in TX. I was also excited to see a good friend from college and meet her new husband. It was great to catch up and they had gotten power back just before I arrived.
The drive home sobering. Just south of Longview on 59 I could already see the destruction of Ike. There wasn't any electricity until Livingston. That was also the first place I saw any gas being sold. The lines were miles long. I continued to drive straight home. The closer I got the worse things got. My family is lucky because we have power back. The house was spared even though our trees left a game of pick up sticks for us to play. It's the best someone could hope for in this situation. The devastation in incredible. People are waiting in lines for hours for water, ice, and MREs. Millions still don't have power. People can't get their pay checks. If it weren't for everyone pitching in and working together things would be even worse. Schools are trying to reopen next week. Some people have chosen to send their kids to live with relatives and enroll in school there. We have friends who have lost everything just like my aunt and uncle did in Katrina. These are hard times but we'll make it through. Gas is still rationed and groceries are limited but it's a sign of hope that grocery stores are even open and there's gas to be rationed. Our friends are over doing laundry, so I better go and spend time with them.
I'm just thankful to be home and that my family is ok. Pray for Southeast TX and Eastern LA. It's going to take a long time to get back to things as usual.
My first stop after Tuscaloosa, Al was Brandon, MS. I had made contact with a friend back in Waco whose parents lived there. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't have been able to find gas. After spending the night there I headed to Longview, TX. I cried when I crosses the state line. I was so thankful just to be back in TX. I was also excited to see a good friend from college and meet her new husband. It was great to catch up and they had gotten power back just before I arrived.
The drive home sobering. Just south of Longview on 59 I could already see the destruction of Ike. There wasn't any electricity until Livingston. That was also the first place I saw any gas being sold. The lines were miles long. I continued to drive straight home. The closer I got the worse things got. My family is lucky because we have power back. The house was spared even though our trees left a game of pick up sticks for us to play. It's the best someone could hope for in this situation. The devastation in incredible. People are waiting in lines for hours for water, ice, and MREs. Millions still don't have power. People can't get their pay checks. If it weren't for everyone pitching in and working together things would be even worse. Schools are trying to reopen next week. Some people have chosen to send their kids to live with relatives and enroll in school there. We have friends who have lost everything just like my aunt and uncle did in Katrina. These are hard times but we'll make it through. Gas is still rationed and groceries are limited but it's a sign of hope that grocery stores are even open and there's gas to be rationed. Our friends are over doing laundry, so I better go and spend time with them.
I'm just thankful to be home and that my family is ok. Pray for Southeast TX and Eastern LA. It's going to take a long time to get back to things as usual.
Road Trip!
A New Addiction
This road trip had developed an addiction for me...books on CD. I had started the Chronicles of Narnia on my road trip to Corpus Christi and was able to finish it on my way to Pensacola, FL. My friend, Katie, wants to know which is my favorite. That's a tough question. I can tell you my favorite character is Reepicheep, the rat. I think The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is my favorite. I also enjoyed The Horse and His Boy and The Magician's Nephew. I will forever be a fan of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I one should read (or listen) to the entire series to get the full impact and meaning of The Chronicles. Enough about books...back to the road trip.
The Hood-Pattersons
My first stop was at Dawn & Paul's place. These two are high quality people. They really know how to enjoy life and make the most of it. I am a better person for knowing them. Dawn & Paul should make a reality show of their life together. They could be excellent marriage and family counselors. I was given the best hospitality ever! I'm glad I wasn't hoping to lose weight while being with them. Dawn can cook and she knows good food. Eating in or dinning out...oh, my!
Liberated Woman?
Of course we went to the beach. I love the beach and the way the sand feels on my skin. I could stay there all day and we almost did. We enjoyed the water and attempted to build a sand castle. I started to feel a little baked so we called it a day. I normally wear a shirt when I'm at the beach or pool because my family is highly prone to skin cancer. The weather was so nice that I couldn't resist and I didn't wear my shirt at the beach...I was a liberated woman...so I thought. Once we were back at the apartment I didn't feel liberated anymore when Dawn and I realized that I had only burned where my shirt would have been...believe it or not. My face, neck, forearms, and legs were just as white as before. My back, chest, and shoulders were burnt. Dawn graciously covered my back with slices of cucumbers. Let me tell you, if you ever get a sunburn you should try this. It saved my skin. Apparently after the treatment started I crashed for about 15 hours. We alternated cucumbers and aloe vera. Dawn said she wished she had a tape recorder because apparently I was a bit loopy. I was ready to go to Atlanta the next morning...sort of.
Atlanta
With my unusual sunburn I couldn't wear a certain undergarment...if you know what I mean. In the end I guess I was a liberated woman (lol). I drove to Atlanta and listened to God's Politics by Jim Wallis. A great book to read considering the election is in about 6 weeks. It really encompasses my political struggles. That's not why I was going to Atlanta. I was headed to Atlanta to meet up with some friends. It was a great time of fellowship. Then the road trip took a different turn than planned....
This road trip had developed an addiction for me...books on CD. I had started the Chronicles of Narnia on my road trip to Corpus Christi and was able to finish it on my way to Pensacola, FL. My friend, Katie, wants to know which is my favorite. That's a tough question. I can tell you my favorite character is Reepicheep, the rat. I think The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is my favorite. I also enjoyed The Horse and His Boy and The Magician's Nephew. I will forever be a fan of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I one should read (or listen) to the entire series to get the full impact and meaning of The Chronicles. Enough about books...back to the road trip.
The Hood-Pattersons
My first stop was at Dawn & Paul's place. These two are high quality people. They really know how to enjoy life and make the most of it. I am a better person for knowing them. Dawn & Paul should make a reality show of their life together. They could be excellent marriage and family counselors. I was given the best hospitality ever! I'm glad I wasn't hoping to lose weight while being with them. Dawn can cook and she knows good food. Eating in or dinning out...oh, my!
Liberated Woman?
Of course we went to the beach. I love the beach and the way the sand feels on my skin. I could stay there all day and we almost did. We enjoyed the water and attempted to build a sand castle. I started to feel a little baked so we called it a day. I normally wear a shirt when I'm at the beach or pool because my family is highly prone to skin cancer. The weather was so nice that I couldn't resist and I didn't wear my shirt at the beach...I was a liberated woman...so I thought. Once we were back at the apartment I didn't feel liberated anymore when Dawn and I realized that I had only burned where my shirt would have been...believe it or not. My face, neck, forearms, and legs were just as white as before. My back, chest, and shoulders were burnt. Dawn graciously covered my back with slices of cucumbers. Let me tell you, if you ever get a sunburn you should try this. It saved my skin. Apparently after the treatment started I crashed for about 15 hours. We alternated cucumbers and aloe vera. Dawn said she wished she had a tape recorder because apparently I was a bit loopy. I was ready to go to Atlanta the next morning...sort of.
Atlanta
With my unusual sunburn I couldn't wear a certain undergarment...if you know what I mean. In the end I guess I was a liberated woman (lol). I drove to Atlanta and listened to God's Politics by Jim Wallis. A great book to read considering the election is in about 6 weeks. It really encompasses my political struggles. That's not why I was going to Atlanta. I was headed to Atlanta to meet up with some friends. It was a great time of fellowship. Then the road trip took a different turn than planned....
03 September 2008
The Mundane Life
I thought I would take the time to update people on what's going on. I'm still in Texas. The process of moving to another country takes time. Here's a summary of what the last few months have looked like for me.
4th of July with the family: Very traditional but meaningful since I may not be in the States for another 4th of July for a while. My paternal grandparents came down. A good friend from Waco came down. We all headed down the street to claim a space in the school parking lot to watch fireworks. My two nieces & their cousin, my friend, and myself decided to accompany the fireworks with song. We had a blast!
Orientation in Philly: I signed my life away to my company. We sketched out a tentative timeline to get to India. We are in the process of negotiating with the India side of the company to determine which language school I will attend before I start my teaching job (which still has not been finalized).
Trip to Waco: I went back to Waco and saw lots of people. It was good to be back to visit. I had some much needed time to myself as well.
Back to School (but not for me): I found myself in state of grief as teachers went back to school to prepare their classrooms and I ended up being a nanny. I must say that I enjoyed watching the energetic and creative 6 year old boy. We had fun playing Wii & board games like Sorry. I felt old when we watched movies like Gremlins and Ghostbusters and realized that they came out when I was his age.
First Day of First Grade: My oldest niece started first grade. To keep her little sister's mind off missing her and to keep my mind off not teaching we went to the zoo. It was the first experience that my 3 year old niece and I have had just the two of us. We had a blast! No meltdowns. She loved the elephants and the giraffes. I even faced my fear and took her through the herpatorium...yes, that's where the snakes live.
Spontaneous Trip to Corpus Christi: My good friend and former roommate Katie was visiting her parents who live about an hour and a half from CC. She is about to move to KY. Katie was trying to figure out a way to visit me and one of our other former roommates, Sara, who actually now lives in CC with her husband Johnathan before she moved out of the great state of Texas. Her solution was for us to all meet up in CC. Katie & I met up with Sara at her new home. Sara treated us with the finest hospitality. We just enjoyed each other's company. The next morning, Sara had to go to work. Katie & I hit the beach. Then we had a mid-morning snack at a cool Mexican Cafe and talked till lunch. We drove up and down Shoreline trying to find Landry's and passed it about four times before we called for directions. What can I say, I was with Katie. After lunch we hugged and went our separate ways. Till next time...
Another Trip to Waco: I just can't stay away. It was good to go back. I went to my old school and hugged my students' necks and visited with my teacher friends. It was good to be there visiting and have peace that I am not suppose to be there teaching. I do miss teaching and can't wait to have my first class in India. There is a season for everything. I also got to be with four amazing women who I am blessed to call my friends. It was the last time for the five of us to be together before heading off into very different directions. I found myself taking in the day and all its details and tucking them away in my treasure chest of memories.
In this time of preparation, I find myself doing very mundane things and having to pay attention to all the little details of life. I am writing my will and funeral. I have to make sure I have my power of attorney written just right. There are tons of legal things that I hadn't ever thought of before that I now am having to sort through. As I deal with those things I am encountering moments of good-bye and the reality of what I am leaving and will miss while I am gone. I am also getting to do fun things like play with my 3 year old niece all day if I want to and make spontaneous trips. Actually, nothing seems mundane about life anymore.
What's to come: A trip to Pensacola, FL and Atlanta, GA! I get to visit Dawn and Paul! YEAH! I also get to see some new friends in Atlanta. I've never been to GA. I can't wait to be there. I hope to get to go to the Coke museum. After I return I will start taking substitute teaching jobs until I go to training in Colorado Springs, CO for five weeks.
That's all for now...
4th of July with the family: Very traditional but meaningful since I may not be in the States for another 4th of July for a while. My paternal grandparents came down. A good friend from Waco came down. We all headed down the street to claim a space in the school parking lot to watch fireworks. My two nieces & their cousin, my friend, and myself decided to accompany the fireworks with song. We had a blast!
Orientation in Philly: I signed my life away to my company. We sketched out a tentative timeline to get to India. We are in the process of negotiating with the India side of the company to determine which language school I will attend before I start my teaching job (which still has not been finalized).
Trip to Waco: I went back to Waco and saw lots of people. It was good to be back to visit. I had some much needed time to myself as well.
Back to School (but not for me): I found myself in state of grief as teachers went back to school to prepare their classrooms and I ended up being a nanny. I must say that I enjoyed watching the energetic and creative 6 year old boy. We had fun playing Wii & board games like Sorry. I felt old when we watched movies like Gremlins and Ghostbusters and realized that they came out when I was his age.
First Day of First Grade: My oldest niece started first grade. To keep her little sister's mind off missing her and to keep my mind off not teaching we went to the zoo. It was the first experience that my 3 year old niece and I have had just the two of us. We had a blast! No meltdowns. She loved the elephants and the giraffes. I even faced my fear and took her through the herpatorium...yes, that's where the snakes live.
Spontaneous Trip to Corpus Christi: My good friend and former roommate Katie was visiting her parents who live about an hour and a half from CC. She is about to move to KY. Katie was trying to figure out a way to visit me and one of our other former roommates, Sara, who actually now lives in CC with her husband Johnathan before she moved out of the great state of Texas. Her solution was for us to all meet up in CC. Katie & I met up with Sara at her new home. Sara treated us with the finest hospitality. We just enjoyed each other's company. The next morning, Sara had to go to work. Katie & I hit the beach. Then we had a mid-morning snack at a cool Mexican Cafe and talked till lunch. We drove up and down Shoreline trying to find Landry's and passed it about four times before we called for directions. What can I say, I was with Katie. After lunch we hugged and went our separate ways. Till next time...
Another Trip to Waco: I just can't stay away. It was good to go back. I went to my old school and hugged my students' necks and visited with my teacher friends. It was good to be there visiting and have peace that I am not suppose to be there teaching. I do miss teaching and can't wait to have my first class in India. There is a season for everything. I also got to be with four amazing women who I am blessed to call my friends. It was the last time for the five of us to be together before heading off into very different directions. I found myself taking in the day and all its details and tucking them away in my treasure chest of memories.
In this time of preparation, I find myself doing very mundane things and having to pay attention to all the little details of life. I am writing my will and funeral. I have to make sure I have my power of attorney written just right. There are tons of legal things that I hadn't ever thought of before that I now am having to sort through. As I deal with those things I am encountering moments of good-bye and the reality of what I am leaving and will miss while I am gone. I am also getting to do fun things like play with my 3 year old niece all day if I want to and make spontaneous trips. Actually, nothing seems mundane about life anymore.
What's to come: A trip to Pensacola, FL and Atlanta, GA! I get to visit Dawn and Paul! YEAH! I also get to see some new friends in Atlanta. I've never been to GA. I can't wait to be there. I hope to get to go to the Coke museum. After I return I will start taking substitute teaching jobs until I go to training in Colorado Springs, CO for five weeks.
That's all for now...
25 July 2008
An Unsettled Life
I have been unsettled for two months now. Some may say that I'm back home, but I'm really not. Yeah, I know what I said on my last post. It's really true, but I'm not fully there yet. My identity is still in other things like my work, my fellowship, and those who I share(d) life with.
Don't get me wrong---I love my family and will miss them incredibly when I'm gone, but I haven't been identified/introduced as Jimmy and Marilyn's daughter or even Gidget or Tabitha's sister in a very long time.
I'm a third grade teacher at Brook or a member of my local fellowship or a certain person's friend. I live...or did live in Waco across from Baylor btw Kate Ross and Sul Ross. If you are a Wacoan you would know where that is...and probably wonder why I lived there.
I was caught off guard the other day when someone asked, "Where are you from?" and without hesitation I replied, "Waco." My reactions and initial thoughts and feelings have been making me aware of the not so visible instability that I am living in.
Someone recently asked me if I was a nester. I've never really thought I was until now. I really do have to carve out a little place for me to be and do my thing. My need for control has gone so far off the charts that I've given up and feel as if it's impossible to control anything which I'm afraid is leading to apathy. No bueno.
I'm in Waco this week and feel as if I can exhale and regain my center. I went to my company orientation and we talked about the emotional process we will go through as we prepare to leave and then the culture shock we will encounter once we are in our new country. Talking about it is one thing---living it out is another. The most overwhelming part is feeling like no one understands and everyone thinks you're crazy.
I am looking forward to my cross-cultural training this fall that my company requires us to go through. It will be helpful and encouraging to be with others who are in the same situation and to have the time to hash everything out.
For now I'm going to enjoy my week of being at home---where I feel normal and safe and my identity still exists.
Shanti~ Shanti~Shanti
Don't get me wrong---I love my family and will miss them incredibly when I'm gone, but I haven't been identified/introduced as Jimmy and Marilyn's daughter or even Gidget or Tabitha's sister in a very long time.
I'm a third grade teacher at Brook or a member of my local fellowship or a certain person's friend. I live...or did live in Waco across from Baylor btw Kate Ross and Sul Ross. If you are a Wacoan you would know where that is...and probably wonder why I lived there.
I was caught off guard the other day when someone asked, "Where are you from?" and without hesitation I replied, "Waco." My reactions and initial thoughts and feelings have been making me aware of the not so visible instability that I am living in.
Someone recently asked me if I was a nester. I've never really thought I was until now. I really do have to carve out a little place for me to be and do my thing. My need for control has gone so far off the charts that I've given up and feel as if it's impossible to control anything which I'm afraid is leading to apathy. No bueno.
I'm in Waco this week and feel as if I can exhale and regain my center. I went to my company orientation and we talked about the emotional process we will go through as we prepare to leave and then the culture shock we will encounter once we are in our new country. Talking about it is one thing---living it out is another. The most overwhelming part is feeling like no one understands and everyone thinks you're crazy.
I am looking forward to my cross-cultural training this fall that my company requires us to go through. It will be helpful and encouraging to be with others who are in the same situation and to have the time to hash everything out.
For now I'm going to enjoy my week of being at home---where I feel normal and safe and my identity still exists.
Shanti~ Shanti~Shanti
12 June 2008
Home Is Where the Heart Is...
I know it sounds trite, but it's true. "Home" is my sacred word, the word which helps me to meditate and listen to His voice. I chose to change my sacred word to "home" after hearing a friend practice her teaching this past year. It's become even more meaningful for me in this time of transition.
I didn't realize how rooted I had become in Waco until a few weeks ago. It was tougher to leave than I thought it would be considering when I came to Waco my attitude was "the sooner I can get out of here the better." A good friend of mine (who has gone before me in this journey of leaving Waco and moving to another country) warned me that it would be harder to leave Waco than Houston. It's been my community for 6 years. That's the longest I've ever lived anywhere except where I grew up. It's where I treaded through a dark night of the soul and came out limping but transformed into a beautiful woman.
I knew it would be odd living with my parents at age 30, but I also knew it would simply feel like a visit until something happened. I wasn't sure what it would be or how long it would take, but it just happened.
I read my dear Katie Beth's blog and laughed, then cried b/c she represents the community in which I just left and how it's already changed. I thought the event would have been missing my friend Amber's special event this Sunday when she will be set apart within my community for a special task. Katie you beat Amber to it. Sorry Amber.
All of this brings me back to my word, "home." My "home" lies in the One who created me. I will always be "home" as long He is with me. I can delight in His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. No matter where I go in this world someone will know me and there's someone I"ll know. For me being known is what makes me fell at home.
There's comfort in being with my family and old friends, but the greatest joy is knowing that "home" is where my heart is...hidden in Him who knows me and is with me always.
Think of me as I start to live life here. My hope is that I will place roots and get the most out of every moment wherever I am/whomever I am with and that I would also have the opportunity to add something to these moments.
Peace~Shanti
I didn't realize how rooted I had become in Waco until a few weeks ago. It was tougher to leave than I thought it would be considering when I came to Waco my attitude was "the sooner I can get out of here the better." A good friend of mine (who has gone before me in this journey of leaving Waco and moving to another country) warned me that it would be harder to leave Waco than Houston. It's been my community for 6 years. That's the longest I've ever lived anywhere except where I grew up. It's where I treaded through a dark night of the soul and came out limping but transformed into a beautiful woman.
I knew it would be odd living with my parents at age 30, but I also knew it would simply feel like a visit until something happened. I wasn't sure what it would be or how long it would take, but it just happened.
I read my dear Katie Beth's blog and laughed, then cried b/c she represents the community in which I just left and how it's already changed. I thought the event would have been missing my friend Amber's special event this Sunday when she will be set apart within my community for a special task. Katie you beat Amber to it. Sorry Amber.
All of this brings me back to my word, "home." My "home" lies in the One who created me. I will always be "home" as long He is with me. I can delight in His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. No matter where I go in this world someone will know me and there's someone I"ll know. For me being known is what makes me fell at home.
There's comfort in being with my family and old friends, but the greatest joy is knowing that "home" is where my heart is...hidden in Him who knows me and is with me always.
Think of me as I start to live life here. My hope is that I will place roots and get the most out of every moment wherever I am/whomever I am with and that I would also have the opportunity to add something to these moments.
Peace~Shanti
30 May 2008
Saying Good-bye to Brook
This week my class took 2 field trips. The first one was to the zoo. Because our school is so close to the zoo we walked. I ended up with all the boys from my class in my group. I had the best time. I rarely get to enjoy my boys and their quirky personalities and wonderful senses of humor b/c my girls are so messy...can we say DRAMA!! and they know it. But alas, look who their teacher is. She's a pretty big drama queen herself. I love them all anyway. I was grateful for the break from drama b/c before we got started on our tour of the zoo I had to intervene and quench some mess another student caused. The kid actually left the zoo and I had to go after him on foot...I ended up following him all the way back to school. The cops were there to meet him and the counselor took me back to rejoin my easy going whimsical boys.
fyi: did you know that a giraffe's tongue is 21 inches long!
The second trip was our incentive party for the students who did not receive a referral this year. First, we went skating. I must confess that I should not be allowed on skates. No injuries this year. PTL! After about 2 hours of skating we were off to the park where we enjoyed hot dogs and the beautiful weather. I have this sweet adorable little girl in my class and she kept begging me to take her and a bunch of other girls to the flower garden and fountain. I finally gave in...and I was the first in the fountain. That's right, we all jumped into the fountain! The girls were all debating whether or not to put their feet in before they noticed I already had my socks and shoes off and was rolling up my pant legs to get in. As soon as I got in my pant legs came unrolled and that was it...I simply decided they all needed to be wet and in one big swoop I sent a wave of water over the girls. Socks and shoes started flying and everyone was in having a blast! It didn't take long before several other students joined in. It was a great way to end the year and a wonderful way to say good-bye to Brook.
I have been at Brook Avenue for three years. It has definitely been a challenge. The one thing everyone should know is how amazing the staff is there.
I have had the best team leader...Megan, who has taught me what it means to be a great teacher. She's also been a great friend. I am so excited for her as she prepares to have her first baby!
Mama Connie keeps us all in line and helps us keep things in perspective...over 30 years of experience gives you that advantage. Her partner in crime in 4th grade...Lippe...Brook is much better off since you joined our family. Good luck next year....document, document, document=)
Trisha...how many hats do you wear? I'm sure TELPAS is a curse word in some language...but you love your students...ESL & GT. Oh, what a gift to have a computer lab run by an actual competent teacher who can enrich the programs being used.
Then there's Clayton. The school could not run without him. He's the most dependable and trustworthy person I have ever met. I always know he has my back. If there's anyone you want on your side it's Clayton.
Then there's the famous Mrs. BB. The para extraordinaire. I truly believe she's a superhero. There's not one teacher who she hasn't saved from complete meltdown at some point or another. Thanks BB!
The one person a teacher should always show respect to is their custodian. My head custodian rocks...hey Ms. Shaw...love you mama! She does more than keep our school spic and span but spoils us with her famous banana pudding and extra portions of love.
ok Ritter, here's your moment of fame...need a laugh? ask Ritter to see her ladies dance=)
Our fifth grade team...wow! you need to be on something to hang with them...but they get the job done and we love them for all their unique ideas and ability to see them materialize.
Do I need to go on? If you ever want to see some great teachers just head on over to Brook Avenue and visit a class...may I suggest one of our three fabulous and dynamic 2nd grade teachers or slip into one of our Kindergarten classes and be utterly amazed! No joke...especially Mandy's class...we don't know how she does it. Don't be surprised if you catch our students performing some great musical or for fun come hang out in PE and have a blast. Really, you'll like what you see even in our reading intervention classes...Linkous has an endless bag of tricks just like Mary Poppins and Ms. Love can teach any child. Someone gave her an extra portion of patience and grace. My dear kitty Cat...Brook is not going to be the same without you! Oh, don't forget those who teach in two languages...Elizondo & Campbell. Oh, where would Brook be without the whit of Sandra Barnett...there's only 2 1/2 days left...hang in there! Dear Mr. Keller...punk...I wish I wasn't so gullible=)
Let me not forget the admins and the office...Hicks, Garcia, Densmore, Carter...could you take on anymore if you wanted to? Thank you Hartley and Vega for the interception of you know who.
Rosas, Matlock, and Long...you will not be forgotten and neither will you Mrs. Oliphant for you will pick up where I leave off...
Thank you Missy and all the others in the cafeteria for keeping us fed. And Charlie thanks for the good conversation. I know I'm missing someone...like Ms. Chase whom the kids love so much they want to be in ISS. I apologize if I'm forgetting someone...it is simply due to being sleep deprived...honestly.
Needless to say I will miss this place and the people who have been a family to me. Of course I embellished but not much.
I haven't even told you about my kids...once my student always my student no matter how many grey hairs you gave me. I will always wonder what happened to you and pray something I did or said stuck with you in a positive way and I didn't do too much damage. It's humbling how much we learn from children. They bring out the best and worst in you. Oh, my kids have made me pay for all the grief I caused my parents. I should have known that talking and drama would be rampant in my classroom.
Alas, I have only two and half days and then I will be on my way. I leave with the world knowing that my school is ACADEMICALLY ACCEPTABLE...something I've known all along. And one day the world will know that we are even better than that!
fyi: did you know that a giraffe's tongue is 21 inches long!
The second trip was our incentive party for the students who did not receive a referral this year. First, we went skating. I must confess that I should not be allowed on skates. No injuries this year. PTL! After about 2 hours of skating we were off to the park where we enjoyed hot dogs and the beautiful weather. I have this sweet adorable little girl in my class and she kept begging me to take her and a bunch of other girls to the flower garden and fountain. I finally gave in...and I was the first in the fountain. That's right, we all jumped into the fountain! The girls were all debating whether or not to put their feet in before they noticed I already had my socks and shoes off and was rolling up my pant legs to get in. As soon as I got in my pant legs came unrolled and that was it...I simply decided they all needed to be wet and in one big swoop I sent a wave of water over the girls. Socks and shoes started flying and everyone was in having a blast! It didn't take long before several other students joined in. It was a great way to end the year and a wonderful way to say good-bye to Brook.
I have been at Brook Avenue for three years. It has definitely been a challenge. The one thing everyone should know is how amazing the staff is there.
I have had the best team leader...Megan, who has taught me what it means to be a great teacher. She's also been a great friend. I am so excited for her as she prepares to have her first baby!
Mama Connie keeps us all in line and helps us keep things in perspective...over 30 years of experience gives you that advantage. Her partner in crime in 4th grade...Lippe...Brook is much better off since you joined our family. Good luck next year....document, document, document=)
Trisha...how many hats do you wear? I'm sure TELPAS is a curse word in some language...but you love your students...ESL & GT. Oh, what a gift to have a computer lab run by an actual competent teacher who can enrich the programs being used.
Then there's Clayton. The school could not run without him. He's the most dependable and trustworthy person I have ever met. I always know he has my back. If there's anyone you want on your side it's Clayton.
Then there's the famous Mrs. BB. The para extraordinaire. I truly believe she's a superhero. There's not one teacher who she hasn't saved from complete meltdown at some point or another. Thanks BB!
The one person a teacher should always show respect to is their custodian. My head custodian rocks...hey Ms. Shaw...love you mama! She does more than keep our school spic and span but spoils us with her famous banana pudding and extra portions of love.
ok Ritter, here's your moment of fame...need a laugh? ask Ritter to see her ladies dance=)
Our fifth grade team...wow! you need to be on something to hang with them...but they get the job done and we love them for all their unique ideas and ability to see them materialize.
Do I need to go on? If you ever want to see some great teachers just head on over to Brook Avenue and visit a class...may I suggest one of our three fabulous and dynamic 2nd grade teachers or slip into one of our Kindergarten classes and be utterly amazed! No joke...especially Mandy's class...we don't know how she does it. Don't be surprised if you catch our students performing some great musical or for fun come hang out in PE and have a blast. Really, you'll like what you see even in our reading intervention classes...Linkous has an endless bag of tricks just like Mary Poppins and Ms. Love can teach any child. Someone gave her an extra portion of patience and grace. My dear kitty Cat...Brook is not going to be the same without you! Oh, don't forget those who teach in two languages...Elizondo & Campbell. Oh, where would Brook be without the whit of Sandra Barnett...there's only 2 1/2 days left...hang in there! Dear Mr. Keller...punk...I wish I wasn't so gullible=)
Let me not forget the admins and the office...Hicks, Garcia, Densmore, Carter...could you take on anymore if you wanted to? Thank you Hartley and Vega for the interception of you know who.
Rosas, Matlock, and Long...you will not be forgotten and neither will you Mrs. Oliphant for you will pick up where I leave off...
Thank you Missy and all the others in the cafeteria for keeping us fed. And Charlie thanks for the good conversation. I know I'm missing someone...like Ms. Chase whom the kids love so much they want to be in ISS. I apologize if I'm forgetting someone...it is simply due to being sleep deprived...honestly.
Needless to say I will miss this place and the people who have been a family to me. Of course I embellished but not much.
I haven't even told you about my kids...once my student always my student no matter how many grey hairs you gave me. I will always wonder what happened to you and pray something I did or said stuck with you in a positive way and I didn't do too much damage. It's humbling how much we learn from children. They bring out the best and worst in you. Oh, my kids have made me pay for all the grief I caused my parents. I should have known that talking and drama would be rampant in my classroom.
Alas, I have only two and half days and then I will be on my way. I leave with the world knowing that my school is ACADEMICALLY ACCEPTABLE...something I've known all along. And one day the world will know that we are even better than that!
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