A little cultural explanation...

Well, as far as I understand it....


Earlier this week (which is now more that a month or two ago) I mentioned on Facebook that I am going to be an Aunty via my house help's daughter-in-law. That raised some understandable questions. Let me try to give some clarity to the situation....


First, I am an aunty to all my friends' children. If you are friends with a child's parents then you basically become their aunty. I call all older women here "Aunty" unless I have another clearly defined relationship with them. It's just a cultural term used to show respect. I get called "Aunty" all the time.

In this case, there is a relationship. My relationship with this family started when Zarina became my language helper and I spent at least 3 days a week at their house. Their family became family to me. They call me, not aunty, but didi (big sister). I am a token member of their family. They were there for me in my first year when I didn't have any family or a lot of friends.

Then when I got my own place, I hired the mom, Saira, to be my house helper. This has been a very complicated relationship because of the previous established relationship being transformed into a employer-employee relationship.

I am not under any obligation to pay this family's health care. BUT as a responsible employer and as one who feels called to empower the poor, I help give them skills to make the most of their resources and find help when needed. Example, if they need money for something I might consider giving an advance but will then deduct it from her pay over several months. I have looked and found people to help with school costs (scholarships based on their grades, etc).
I participate in the culturally appropriate giving of bonuses. I try my best to set clear boundaries.


Back in December, Saira's oldest son made a bad choice. He and a girl ran off together. By law (family law is based on one's particular religious law) here, he should be in jail and the girl (being disowned by her family) should be on the streets, because the girl was under 18. The police allowed them to get married (in a religious ceremony not civil union). In the natural course of things, the young bride is now with child. Because of my initial relationship with this family, I am genuinely concerned for this young mother to be and the unborn child. I want to make sure she and the baby get appropriate medical care. This does not mean I am going to pay for it. This family does not have any concept of prenatal care and left to them, the young girl would only go to the doctor to give birth. I am advising and reminding them that they do need to take her to the doctor now. I will probably buy the girl prenatal vitamins. I will be the baby's aunty.

I don't provide them with everything they need. I encourage them to prayer and ask God to provide. I help to find resources for them. I am their advocate.

I wrote this and saved it to post for later...

Later now means it has a very heartbreaking ending. The young bride's mother came and took her back home. The father beat her till she lost the baby. She must now remain with her family till she is eighteen. My older brother has went to stay with her. This is very unusual and difficult for Saira. Her eldest son is the head of the household and now has left them.

That is the simplest explanation that I can give without getting into all the complicated details.

Easter

It started out as a small gathering of my friends, their kids and me. It ended up being them plus all the kids in the building. Here are pics of the chaos that happens when you are expecting 10 kids and end up with 20! Thanks to the moms who were there and helped out. It was most of these kids first time to dye and hunt eggs. They went home with a bag full of candy after a nice potluck (with a sigh of relief, most of the non-expected kids went home before lunch because they were concerned about eating "foreign" food and/or food with egg in it).


Handing out bags for the kids to hunt with....








Moms getting their turn at dying the last minute boiled eggs to compensate for the extra kids. About 50+ eggs were boiled, dyed and hid.
Their daughters watching....



Let the hunt begin....







Those that stayed behind for lunch and chai.