I'm sure the title of the blog got your attention. I hope it did. In order to live, study, & work in India one must have an HIV test. I was appalled when my doctor would not give me the test. Then I went on a quest to find the nearest clinic. As I searched the web and started calling places I was astonished at the cost of the test. I thought we had come a long way in the fight against AIDS and HIV prevention. I was wrong.
The closest and cheapest ($76) clinic was Planned Parenthood. Growing up I viewed PP as the poor man's gyno. It offers invaluable and necessary services to those who can't afford to get it anywhere else. It wasn't until I was in high school and college that I realized there was a stigma that went with this place and the ethical dilemma of their abortion practices. I felt that yesterday as I sat in the waiting room. Everyone was desperate not to make eye contact. I noticed two things happen inside of me. One I'm proud of; the other I'm ashamed of. My first reaction was to reach out and talk to people. There's no shame in being there. I wondered what their stories were. Then my second reaction came from the darkest part of my heart. Questions that were not of love or compassion but of judgement. The saddest part was I knew where I had learned it. During my 2 hour wait I ended up talking to a mother and daughter sitting next to me and the woman who shared my last name (we both kept answering when they called our name to come to the counter).
I was finally called back. It took just a few minutes for them to prick my finger and put my blood on what looked like a pregnancy test. Then I was back in the waiting room for the longest 15 minutes of my life. As far as I know there hasn't been any way I've been exposed to HIV. I was confident that I would be negative. For some reason I found myself nervous and concerned. I started thinking about all the people I know who are HIV positive and all the people I know that have lost loved ones to the horrid disease. My heart broke for them. When they called me back to give me the results I truly was able to give thanks that I was HIV negative. It's something that we shouldn't take for granted.
Below is a link to an article I found on BBC. I thought it was pretty interesting so I wanted to pass it along.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7754007.stm
It doesn't matter how people contract HIV, it's our privilege to show love and compassion to those who suffer. We should consider it an honor if we are given the chance to walk with those who are HIV positive. We have an obligation to fight for their right and access to affordable health care. Judgement should never be an option.
02 December 2008
15 November 2008
Mount Rushmore
The Black Hills of South Dakota are BEAUTIFUL!!!! The pictures don't do it justice. It was so cool to see Mount Rushmore. It's worth the trip if you ever get the chance.
Pikes Peak
If you ever want to go to the top of Pikes Peak, I would recommend you drive. Be prepared for some strong winds and to freeze no matter what time of year. It is over 14,000 feet above sea level.
06 November 2008
What to expect next...
The Transitional Bridge: moving from settled to unsettled to chaos to resettling to settled. I am currently in the unsettled stage and will move into chaos the closer I get to leaving. If you are connected to me you will also have to cross this bridge.
Quick update: My new expected departure is January. Things are coming together faster than expected.
Healthy Good-byes & Hellos
Quick update: My new expected departure is January. Things are coming together faster than expected.
Healthy Good-byes & Hellos
Grief & Loss
I have always been ashamed of the way I express my emotions and cry at the drop of a hat. I’ve learned here that I have a healthy sense of grieving. My shame is hindering the good that can come from those tears. For the first time in my life I felt free to truly grieve this week.
There are many things I am grieving. I am losing any sense of stability. Home is an abstract concept. My life does not have routines. With each passing day life becomes more and more unpredictable.
I am already struggling with a sense of lost identity. I have moved from my community. I am no longer a teacher and will soon become a language student. Once I leave I will not be anyone’s friend and it won’t matter to anyone who my parents are or where I grew up. I will become a stereotype of what others think Americans (or even Texans) are. This is always not a good thing. That’s an issue for a later blog.
As I move away I must let go of all my support systems and have to rely on strangers. Things will not come easy and I will have to get use to things taking longer. My goals and ambitions will take longer because I will lose my competency. As a language learner, I will be functioning as a 2-3 year old. I will have to learn every aspect of daily life over again.
Then there are still anticipated losses which I must face. The good-byes. I’ve already had to say some. They are hard especially when the elderly or children are involved. The hardest good-byes will be to my sweet nieces and embracing the loss of missing out on their lives. I also have three precious godchildren. I must grieve the loss of missing out on their lives as well. The reality of losing those you love while you’re gone. My grandparents are in their eighties. At this point I consider each day with them an extended gift. This decision means missing out on family events.
I draw comfort that though nothing can replace these relationships and experiences that I must let go of I will have new relationships and experiences to fill the loss.
There are many things I am grieving. I am losing any sense of stability. Home is an abstract concept. My life does not have routines. With each passing day life becomes more and more unpredictable.
I am already struggling with a sense of lost identity. I have moved from my community. I am no longer a teacher and will soon become a language student. Once I leave I will not be anyone’s friend and it won’t matter to anyone who my parents are or where I grew up. I will become a stereotype of what others think Americans (or even Texans) are. This is always not a good thing. That’s an issue for a later blog.
As I move away I must let go of all my support systems and have to rely on strangers. Things will not come easy and I will have to get use to things taking longer. My goals and ambitions will take longer because I will lose my competency. As a language learner, I will be functioning as a 2-3 year old. I will have to learn every aspect of daily life over again.
Then there are still anticipated losses which I must face. The good-byes. I’ve already had to say some. They are hard especially when the elderly or children are involved. The hardest good-byes will be to my sweet nieces and embracing the loss of missing out on their lives. I also have three precious godchildren. I must grieve the loss of missing out on their lives as well. The reality of losing those you love while you’re gone. My grandparents are in their eighties. At this point I consider each day with them an extended gift. This decision means missing out on family events.
I draw comfort that though nothing can replace these relationships and experiences that I must let go of I will have new relationships and experiences to fill the loss.
Stress Management
This is an area which I have been struggling with. If I catch stress early I usually deal with it well and can defuse it. In the midst of chaos, I tend to ignore my early warning signs of stress and then when I finally do realize I’m stressed out I have to do a lot of damage control/recovery to do. The following questions help me identify if I am stressed:
- Do you have muscle tension (especially in your neck & shoulders)?
- How’s your stomach? (my bowels are a great indicator of how I’m doing=)
- Are you sleeping through the night? Are you having any bad dreams?
- What’s annoying you? (if it’s all the little things I need to withdraw)
- What are you reading? (if I’m not reading, then things are not ok)
- Am I exercising on a regular basis?
- Am I eating healthy?
- Am I honoring myself? This last question is key. This refers to knowing myself and acknowledging my personality, preferences, gifts, limitations, areas of vulnerability, areas of health and victory? If I’m honoring myself then I should be doing pretty well. If I’m not, then something is going to be off and I’m going to be out of balance.
If you want to encourage me on this journey, use these questions to keep me accountable to healthy cross-cultural living principles. Another key component of managing stress is resting. It would also be appropriate to ask me when was the last time I took the day off or went on a weekend get away. If I don’t rest on a regular basis I won’t be able to manage my stress through. If I don’t manage my stress I increase my possibility of health related issues and coming home prematurely.
Conflict Management
I am a shark! Those of you that know me well have probably most definitely felt my bite. I am a shark that has learned skills in order to change my conflict management depending on the situation and the person I am relating to. It doesn’t matter what I do on the outside my heart processes conflict in the following ways:
- I have a strong sense of right and wrong.
- It is important for me to be right.
- If my character is offended in anyway I will shut down.
- I have a need to take charge and be in control.
- It is important to be direct and get right to the point.
- The closer you are to me the worse my bite.
Some of you might be surprised by this and disagree. The issue isn’t in what I do but what is going on inside of me in the midst of conflict. When I act differently in conflict than what I described above, it is because I have learned to change my conflict management based on the situation and the person. When I function from another style I am operating from my brain and not my heart. Thank goodness I’ve learned to do that. Please forgive me where I haven’t.
Paradox & Expectations
The most complicated part of preparing to go to a foreign country is the paradoxes I live everyday. The simplest example of this is the great excitement I feel in anticipating my departure coupled with the great amount of grief there is in saying good-bye to everything familiar and to all the people that mean so much to me. Our instructors gave us this great visual for the paradoxes we are experiencing. Imagine a person standing in the center of the room. Put a large stretchy band around the waist of this person and stretch it out in two different directions. On one end of the stretchy band are the “yeah!” feelings I am having. On the other end are the “yuck!” feelings. Both these feelings live in tension around the center of the person. Don’t stop there. Add another stretchy band and stretch it out in opposite directions. This tension represents the expectations I have versus the reality I will face. The close my expectations are to reality the less tension I will experience. Now add another band with the expectations of nationals on one end and the expectations still coming from the States. The stressful thing about this tension is I don’t have any control over the expectations that others have of me. All I can do is figure out healthy ways to deal with this tension. Alas, I live a paradox in the midst of all these tensions. This leads to my next entry…conflict management.
Worldview
How do you view the world? There are many lenses that we look through when we observe and interact with our world. At the core is our lens of Faith. This answers the question of “What is real?” Moving outward we find our lens of Beliefs which answers “What is true?” From that lens we view our values which tells us “What is good or best?” All these lenses combine to dictate our Behaviors which demonstrate our worldview by “What is done?”
Every culture and sub-culture has different lenses. The challenge for me living cross-culturally is to try to see the world through other lenses. This can be difficult to do and takes a great deal of intentionality. It will be important for me to wrestle with this in order to function, communicate, and thrive in India.
I took an inventory of my values and identified which values are probably going to my greatest hurdles when I arrive in a few months. The first is my need to be independent and in control. Both of these will go out the window the moment I get on the plane. When a person enters a new culture they must be dependent on others and revert back to being more like a child. The everyday routines of life will no longer be familiar. I won’t know how to get around or go to the grocery store or even cook the food. Every aspect of life must be relearned. To top it all off I won’t speak the language or be able to communicate.
Another value that I will have to wrestle with is my knowledge and experience. I have very little knowledge and experience of Indian life and the Indian worldview. In fact I know just enough that I think it’s going to be more of a stumbling block because my knowledge/experience gives me a false sense of confidence.
Have you ever thought about how friendships are different in various cultures? As Americans we have certain expectations of our friends. In different cultures people have different expectations of how friends should interact and relate to each other. How friendships are formed and when one is considered a friend is also very different from one culture to another. Having intimate friendships are very important to me. I do not know what that will look like or how long it will take to form intimate relationships in India.
Also concerning relationships, I do not know what loyalty and respect look like in India. These are two characteristics I highly value in my relationships and interactions with others. Both of these qualities can be demonstrated very differently. It kind of is like the idea of love languages. When you know someone’s love language you can communicate love to them in a way that is meaningful to them. I will need to learn how Indians show loyalty and respect in order to know/understand how these values are communicated.
Every culture and sub-culture has different lenses. The challenge for me living cross-culturally is to try to see the world through other lenses. This can be difficult to do and takes a great deal of intentionality. It will be important for me to wrestle with this in order to function, communicate, and thrive in India.
I took an inventory of my values and identified which values are probably going to my greatest hurdles when I arrive in a few months. The first is my need to be independent and in control. Both of these will go out the window the moment I get on the plane. When a person enters a new culture they must be dependent on others and revert back to being more like a child. The everyday routines of life will no longer be familiar. I won’t know how to get around or go to the grocery store or even cook the food. Every aspect of life must be relearned. To top it all off I won’t speak the language or be able to communicate.
Another value that I will have to wrestle with is my knowledge and experience. I have very little knowledge and experience of Indian life and the Indian worldview. In fact I know just enough that I think it’s going to be more of a stumbling block because my knowledge/experience gives me a false sense of confidence.
Have you ever thought about how friendships are different in various cultures? As Americans we have certain expectations of our friends. In different cultures people have different expectations of how friends should interact and relate to each other. How friendships are formed and when one is considered a friend is also very different from one culture to another. Having intimate friendships are very important to me. I do not know what that will look like or how long it will take to form intimate relationships in India.
Also concerning relationships, I do not know what loyalty and respect look like in India. These are two characteristics I highly value in my relationships and interactions with others. Both of these qualities can be demonstrated very differently. It kind of is like the idea of love languages. When you know someone’s love language you can communicate love to them in a way that is meaningful to them. I will need to learn how Indians show loyalty and respect in order to know/understand how these values are communicated.
Cross-Cultural Training 101
I have been in Colorado for three weeks. During this time I have been looking at various aspects of living cross-culturally and anticipating how I might respond. To do that I have looked at my personality, worldview and cultural values, conflict management style, stress management and how I grieve. I’ve decided to make a series of entries related to my experiences here and what I have learned.
23 October 2008
A Long Process
Some of you are probably wondering when the heck I'm actually going to leave for India. The truth is the process of moving overseas takes a long time. From the time the decision is made to actually getting on a plane can be a year or two. My organization is a non-profit group so I have to raise funds. I've been working on that since July. It's been a very humbling experience. So far so good. If things go as projected I will be on a plane by March.
As a part of my preparation I am attending training on living cross-culturally and language acquisition. My company has struggled keeping people more than a year. They have found that this training helps people adjust to living overseas and equips them to stay longer. They also highly encourage people to do some formal language study (even though I will be teaching in English) in order to function better in their community. When I first arrive in India I will be studying Hindi for about a year and then be placed at a school.
The thing about moving overseas and living in another culture is your life becomes a paradox. For instance, I'm so excited about going and having this opportunity but it's incredibly difficult to leave and say good-bye to all that is familiar. If you have never made this transition you probably would think a that I'm crazy but I'm not. All my conflicting feelings are normal (at least that's what they tell me here). I'll try to post reflections of my training when I can.
As a part of my preparation I am attending training on living cross-culturally and language acquisition. My company has struggled keeping people more than a year. They have found that this training helps people adjust to living overseas and equips them to stay longer. They also highly encourage people to do some formal language study (even though I will be teaching in English) in order to function better in their community. When I first arrive in India I will be studying Hindi for about a year and then be placed at a school.
The thing about moving overseas and living in another culture is your life becomes a paradox. For instance, I'm so excited about going and having this opportunity but it's incredibly difficult to leave and say good-bye to all that is familiar. If you have never made this transition you probably would think a that I'm crazy but I'm not. All my conflicting feelings are normal (at least that's what they tell me here). I'll try to post reflections of my training when I can.
20 September 2008
Detour due to IKE
I had been watching the news carefully. First for Hanna, then for Ike. The news was certain that Ike was to hit South TX. I didn't need to rush home. Then I woke up Thursday morning to find reports saying that Galveston was the target. It would have been to great a risk to try to drive home into Ike. I headed to Tuscaloosa, AL which were in the original plans. It was suppose to be just for a night and ended up being for 3 nights. I'm so grateful to the Bullards for their hospitality. Their four kids always make me smile. I wasn't much of a guest because I spent most of the time glued to the television watching my hometown get slammed by Ike. Saturday morning the reality hit...gas prices were through the roof and was being rationed. I had to make a plan and find people and places with gas in order to get home. After many phone calls and emails I was ready to make the 3 day drive home that I was suppose to have driven in a day. Instead of cutting down and taking I-10 home I was taking I-20 and then 59.
My first stop after Tuscaloosa, Al was Brandon, MS. I had made contact with a friend back in Waco whose parents lived there. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't have been able to find gas. After spending the night there I headed to Longview, TX. I cried when I crosses the state line. I was so thankful just to be back in TX. I was also excited to see a good friend from college and meet her new husband. It was great to catch up and they had gotten power back just before I arrived.
The drive home sobering. Just south of Longview on 59 I could already see the destruction of Ike. There wasn't any electricity until Livingston. That was also the first place I saw any gas being sold. The lines were miles long. I continued to drive straight home. The closer I got the worse things got. My family is lucky because we have power back. The house was spared even though our trees left a game of pick up sticks for us to play. It's the best someone could hope for in this situation. The devastation in incredible. People are waiting in lines for hours for water, ice, and MREs. Millions still don't have power. People can't get their pay checks. If it weren't for everyone pitching in and working together things would be even worse. Schools are trying to reopen next week. Some people have chosen to send their kids to live with relatives and enroll in school there. We have friends who have lost everything just like my aunt and uncle did in Katrina. These are hard times but we'll make it through. Gas is still rationed and groceries are limited but it's a sign of hope that grocery stores are even open and there's gas to be rationed. Our friends are over doing laundry, so I better go and spend time with them.
I'm just thankful to be home and that my family is ok. Pray for Southeast TX and Eastern LA. It's going to take a long time to get back to things as usual.
My first stop after Tuscaloosa, Al was Brandon, MS. I had made contact with a friend back in Waco whose parents lived there. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't have been able to find gas. After spending the night there I headed to Longview, TX. I cried when I crosses the state line. I was so thankful just to be back in TX. I was also excited to see a good friend from college and meet her new husband. It was great to catch up and they had gotten power back just before I arrived.
The drive home sobering. Just south of Longview on 59 I could already see the destruction of Ike. There wasn't any electricity until Livingston. That was also the first place I saw any gas being sold. The lines were miles long. I continued to drive straight home. The closer I got the worse things got. My family is lucky because we have power back. The house was spared even though our trees left a game of pick up sticks for us to play. It's the best someone could hope for in this situation. The devastation in incredible. People are waiting in lines for hours for water, ice, and MREs. Millions still don't have power. People can't get their pay checks. If it weren't for everyone pitching in and working together things would be even worse. Schools are trying to reopen next week. Some people have chosen to send their kids to live with relatives and enroll in school there. We have friends who have lost everything just like my aunt and uncle did in Katrina. These are hard times but we'll make it through. Gas is still rationed and groceries are limited but it's a sign of hope that grocery stores are even open and there's gas to be rationed. Our friends are over doing laundry, so I better go and spend time with them.
I'm just thankful to be home and that my family is ok. Pray for Southeast TX and Eastern LA. It's going to take a long time to get back to things as usual.
Road Trip!
A New Addiction
This road trip had developed an addiction for me...books on CD. I had started the Chronicles of Narnia on my road trip to Corpus Christi and was able to finish it on my way to Pensacola, FL. My friend, Katie, wants to know which is my favorite. That's a tough question. I can tell you my favorite character is Reepicheep, the rat. I think The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is my favorite. I also enjoyed The Horse and His Boy and The Magician's Nephew. I will forever be a fan of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I one should read (or listen) to the entire series to get the full impact and meaning of The Chronicles. Enough about books...back to the road trip.
The Hood-Pattersons
My first stop was at Dawn & Paul's place. These two are high quality people. They really know how to enjoy life and make the most of it. I am a better person for knowing them. Dawn & Paul should make a reality show of their life together. They could be excellent marriage and family counselors. I was given the best hospitality ever! I'm glad I wasn't hoping to lose weight while being with them. Dawn can cook and she knows good food. Eating in or dinning out...oh, my!
Liberated Woman?
Of course we went to the beach. I love the beach and the way the sand feels on my skin. I could stay there all day and we almost did. We enjoyed the water and attempted to build a sand castle. I started to feel a little baked so we called it a day. I normally wear a shirt when I'm at the beach or pool because my family is highly prone to skin cancer. The weather was so nice that I couldn't resist and I didn't wear my shirt at the beach...I was a liberated woman...so I thought. Once we were back at the apartment I didn't feel liberated anymore when Dawn and I realized that I had only burned where my shirt would have been...believe it or not. My face, neck, forearms, and legs were just as white as before. My back, chest, and shoulders were burnt. Dawn graciously covered my back with slices of cucumbers. Let me tell you, if you ever get a sunburn you should try this. It saved my skin. Apparently after the treatment started I crashed for about 15 hours. We alternated cucumbers and aloe vera. Dawn said she wished she had a tape recorder because apparently I was a bit loopy. I was ready to go to Atlanta the next morning...sort of.
Atlanta
With my unusual sunburn I couldn't wear a certain undergarment...if you know what I mean. In the end I guess I was a liberated woman (lol). I drove to Atlanta and listened to God's Politics by Jim Wallis. A great book to read considering the election is in about 6 weeks. It really encompasses my political struggles. That's not why I was going to Atlanta. I was headed to Atlanta to meet up with some friends. It was a great time of fellowship. Then the road trip took a different turn than planned....
This road trip had developed an addiction for me...books on CD. I had started the Chronicles of Narnia on my road trip to Corpus Christi and was able to finish it on my way to Pensacola, FL. My friend, Katie, wants to know which is my favorite. That's a tough question. I can tell you my favorite character is Reepicheep, the rat. I think The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is my favorite. I also enjoyed The Horse and His Boy and The Magician's Nephew. I will forever be a fan of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. I one should read (or listen) to the entire series to get the full impact and meaning of The Chronicles. Enough about books...back to the road trip.
The Hood-Pattersons
My first stop was at Dawn & Paul's place. These two are high quality people. They really know how to enjoy life and make the most of it. I am a better person for knowing them. Dawn & Paul should make a reality show of their life together. They could be excellent marriage and family counselors. I was given the best hospitality ever! I'm glad I wasn't hoping to lose weight while being with them. Dawn can cook and she knows good food. Eating in or dinning out...oh, my!
Liberated Woman?
Of course we went to the beach. I love the beach and the way the sand feels on my skin. I could stay there all day and we almost did. We enjoyed the water and attempted to build a sand castle. I started to feel a little baked so we called it a day. I normally wear a shirt when I'm at the beach or pool because my family is highly prone to skin cancer. The weather was so nice that I couldn't resist and I didn't wear my shirt at the beach...I was a liberated woman...so I thought. Once we were back at the apartment I didn't feel liberated anymore when Dawn and I realized that I had only burned where my shirt would have been...believe it or not. My face, neck, forearms, and legs were just as white as before. My back, chest, and shoulders were burnt. Dawn graciously covered my back with slices of cucumbers. Let me tell you, if you ever get a sunburn you should try this. It saved my skin. Apparently after the treatment started I crashed for about 15 hours. We alternated cucumbers and aloe vera. Dawn said she wished she had a tape recorder because apparently I was a bit loopy. I was ready to go to Atlanta the next morning...sort of.
Atlanta
With my unusual sunburn I couldn't wear a certain undergarment...if you know what I mean. In the end I guess I was a liberated woman (lol). I drove to Atlanta and listened to God's Politics by Jim Wallis. A great book to read considering the election is in about 6 weeks. It really encompasses my political struggles. That's not why I was going to Atlanta. I was headed to Atlanta to meet up with some friends. It was a great time of fellowship. Then the road trip took a different turn than planned....
03 September 2008
The Mundane Life
I thought I would take the time to update people on what's going on. I'm still in Texas. The process of moving to another country takes time. Here's a summary of what the last few months have looked like for me.
4th of July with the family: Very traditional but meaningful since I may not be in the States for another 4th of July for a while. My paternal grandparents came down. A good friend from Waco came down. We all headed down the street to claim a space in the school parking lot to watch fireworks. My two nieces & their cousin, my friend, and myself decided to accompany the fireworks with song. We had a blast!
Orientation in Philly: I signed my life away to my company. We sketched out a tentative timeline to get to India. We are in the process of negotiating with the India side of the company to determine which language school I will attend before I start my teaching job (which still has not been finalized).
Trip to Waco: I went back to Waco and saw lots of people. It was good to be back to visit. I had some much needed time to myself as well.
Back to School (but not for me): I found myself in state of grief as teachers went back to school to prepare their classrooms and I ended up being a nanny. I must say that I enjoyed watching the energetic and creative 6 year old boy. We had fun playing Wii & board games like Sorry. I felt old when we watched movies like Gremlins and Ghostbusters and realized that they came out when I was his age.
First Day of First Grade: My oldest niece started first grade. To keep her little sister's mind off missing her and to keep my mind off not teaching we went to the zoo. It was the first experience that my 3 year old niece and I have had just the two of us. We had a blast! No meltdowns. She loved the elephants and the giraffes. I even faced my fear and took her through the herpatorium...yes, that's where the snakes live.
Spontaneous Trip to Corpus Christi: My good friend and former roommate Katie was visiting her parents who live about an hour and a half from CC. She is about to move to KY. Katie was trying to figure out a way to visit me and one of our other former roommates, Sara, who actually now lives in CC with her husband Johnathan before she moved out of the great state of Texas. Her solution was for us to all meet up in CC. Katie & I met up with Sara at her new home. Sara treated us with the finest hospitality. We just enjoyed each other's company. The next morning, Sara had to go to work. Katie & I hit the beach. Then we had a mid-morning snack at a cool Mexican Cafe and talked till lunch. We drove up and down Shoreline trying to find Landry's and passed it about four times before we called for directions. What can I say, I was with Katie. After lunch we hugged and went our separate ways. Till next time...
Another Trip to Waco: I just can't stay away. It was good to go back. I went to my old school and hugged my students' necks and visited with my teacher friends. It was good to be there visiting and have peace that I am not suppose to be there teaching. I do miss teaching and can't wait to have my first class in India. There is a season for everything. I also got to be with four amazing women who I am blessed to call my friends. It was the last time for the five of us to be together before heading off into very different directions. I found myself taking in the day and all its details and tucking them away in my treasure chest of memories.
In this time of preparation, I find myself doing very mundane things and having to pay attention to all the little details of life. I am writing my will and funeral. I have to make sure I have my power of attorney written just right. There are tons of legal things that I hadn't ever thought of before that I now am having to sort through. As I deal with those things I am encountering moments of good-bye and the reality of what I am leaving and will miss while I am gone. I am also getting to do fun things like play with my 3 year old niece all day if I want to and make spontaneous trips. Actually, nothing seems mundane about life anymore.
What's to come: A trip to Pensacola, FL and Atlanta, GA! I get to visit Dawn and Paul! YEAH! I also get to see some new friends in Atlanta. I've never been to GA. I can't wait to be there. I hope to get to go to the Coke museum. After I return I will start taking substitute teaching jobs until I go to training in Colorado Springs, CO for five weeks.
That's all for now...
4th of July with the family: Very traditional but meaningful since I may not be in the States for another 4th of July for a while. My paternal grandparents came down. A good friend from Waco came down. We all headed down the street to claim a space in the school parking lot to watch fireworks. My two nieces & their cousin, my friend, and myself decided to accompany the fireworks with song. We had a blast!
Orientation in Philly: I signed my life away to my company. We sketched out a tentative timeline to get to India. We are in the process of negotiating with the India side of the company to determine which language school I will attend before I start my teaching job (which still has not been finalized).
Trip to Waco: I went back to Waco and saw lots of people. It was good to be back to visit. I had some much needed time to myself as well.
Back to School (but not for me): I found myself in state of grief as teachers went back to school to prepare their classrooms and I ended up being a nanny. I must say that I enjoyed watching the energetic and creative 6 year old boy. We had fun playing Wii & board games like Sorry. I felt old when we watched movies like Gremlins and Ghostbusters and realized that they came out when I was his age.
First Day of First Grade: My oldest niece started first grade. To keep her little sister's mind off missing her and to keep my mind off not teaching we went to the zoo. It was the first experience that my 3 year old niece and I have had just the two of us. We had a blast! No meltdowns. She loved the elephants and the giraffes. I even faced my fear and took her through the herpatorium...yes, that's where the snakes live.
Spontaneous Trip to Corpus Christi: My good friend and former roommate Katie was visiting her parents who live about an hour and a half from CC. She is about to move to KY. Katie was trying to figure out a way to visit me and one of our other former roommates, Sara, who actually now lives in CC with her husband Johnathan before she moved out of the great state of Texas. Her solution was for us to all meet up in CC. Katie & I met up with Sara at her new home. Sara treated us with the finest hospitality. We just enjoyed each other's company. The next morning, Sara had to go to work. Katie & I hit the beach. Then we had a mid-morning snack at a cool Mexican Cafe and talked till lunch. We drove up and down Shoreline trying to find Landry's and passed it about four times before we called for directions. What can I say, I was with Katie. After lunch we hugged and went our separate ways. Till next time...
Another Trip to Waco: I just can't stay away. It was good to go back. I went to my old school and hugged my students' necks and visited with my teacher friends. It was good to be there visiting and have peace that I am not suppose to be there teaching. I do miss teaching and can't wait to have my first class in India. There is a season for everything. I also got to be with four amazing women who I am blessed to call my friends. It was the last time for the five of us to be together before heading off into very different directions. I found myself taking in the day and all its details and tucking them away in my treasure chest of memories.
In this time of preparation, I find myself doing very mundane things and having to pay attention to all the little details of life. I am writing my will and funeral. I have to make sure I have my power of attorney written just right. There are tons of legal things that I hadn't ever thought of before that I now am having to sort through. As I deal with those things I am encountering moments of good-bye and the reality of what I am leaving and will miss while I am gone. I am also getting to do fun things like play with my 3 year old niece all day if I want to and make spontaneous trips. Actually, nothing seems mundane about life anymore.
What's to come: A trip to Pensacola, FL and Atlanta, GA! I get to visit Dawn and Paul! YEAH! I also get to see some new friends in Atlanta. I've never been to GA. I can't wait to be there. I hope to get to go to the Coke museum. After I return I will start taking substitute teaching jobs until I go to training in Colorado Springs, CO for five weeks.
That's all for now...
25 July 2008
An Unsettled Life
I have been unsettled for two months now. Some may say that I'm back home, but I'm really not. Yeah, I know what I said on my last post. It's really true, but I'm not fully there yet. My identity is still in other things like my work, my fellowship, and those who I share(d) life with.
Don't get me wrong---I love my family and will miss them incredibly when I'm gone, but I haven't been identified/introduced as Jimmy and Marilyn's daughter or even Gidget or Tabitha's sister in a very long time.
I'm a third grade teacher at Brook or a member of my local fellowship or a certain person's friend. I live...or did live in Waco across from Baylor btw Kate Ross and Sul Ross. If you are a Wacoan you would know where that is...and probably wonder why I lived there.
I was caught off guard the other day when someone asked, "Where are you from?" and without hesitation I replied, "Waco." My reactions and initial thoughts and feelings have been making me aware of the not so visible instability that I am living in.
Someone recently asked me if I was a nester. I've never really thought I was until now. I really do have to carve out a little place for me to be and do my thing. My need for control has gone so far off the charts that I've given up and feel as if it's impossible to control anything which I'm afraid is leading to apathy. No bueno.
I'm in Waco this week and feel as if I can exhale and regain my center. I went to my company orientation and we talked about the emotional process we will go through as we prepare to leave and then the culture shock we will encounter once we are in our new country. Talking about it is one thing---living it out is another. The most overwhelming part is feeling like no one understands and everyone thinks you're crazy.
I am looking forward to my cross-cultural training this fall that my company requires us to go through. It will be helpful and encouraging to be with others who are in the same situation and to have the time to hash everything out.
For now I'm going to enjoy my week of being at home---where I feel normal and safe and my identity still exists.
Shanti~ Shanti~Shanti
Don't get me wrong---I love my family and will miss them incredibly when I'm gone, but I haven't been identified/introduced as Jimmy and Marilyn's daughter or even Gidget or Tabitha's sister in a very long time.
I'm a third grade teacher at Brook or a member of my local fellowship or a certain person's friend. I live...or did live in Waco across from Baylor btw Kate Ross and Sul Ross. If you are a Wacoan you would know where that is...and probably wonder why I lived there.
I was caught off guard the other day when someone asked, "Where are you from?" and without hesitation I replied, "Waco." My reactions and initial thoughts and feelings have been making me aware of the not so visible instability that I am living in.
Someone recently asked me if I was a nester. I've never really thought I was until now. I really do have to carve out a little place for me to be and do my thing. My need for control has gone so far off the charts that I've given up and feel as if it's impossible to control anything which I'm afraid is leading to apathy. No bueno.
I'm in Waco this week and feel as if I can exhale and regain my center. I went to my company orientation and we talked about the emotional process we will go through as we prepare to leave and then the culture shock we will encounter once we are in our new country. Talking about it is one thing---living it out is another. The most overwhelming part is feeling like no one understands and everyone thinks you're crazy.
I am looking forward to my cross-cultural training this fall that my company requires us to go through. It will be helpful and encouraging to be with others who are in the same situation and to have the time to hash everything out.
For now I'm going to enjoy my week of being at home---where I feel normal and safe and my identity still exists.
Shanti~ Shanti~Shanti
12 June 2008
Home Is Where the Heart Is...
I know it sounds trite, but it's true. "Home" is my sacred word, the word which helps me to meditate and listen to His voice. I chose to change my sacred word to "home" after hearing a friend practice her teaching this past year. It's become even more meaningful for me in this time of transition.
I didn't realize how rooted I had become in Waco until a few weeks ago. It was tougher to leave than I thought it would be considering when I came to Waco my attitude was "the sooner I can get out of here the better." A good friend of mine (who has gone before me in this journey of leaving Waco and moving to another country) warned me that it would be harder to leave Waco than Houston. It's been my community for 6 years. That's the longest I've ever lived anywhere except where I grew up. It's where I treaded through a dark night of the soul and came out limping but transformed into a beautiful woman.
I knew it would be odd living with my parents at age 30, but I also knew it would simply feel like a visit until something happened. I wasn't sure what it would be or how long it would take, but it just happened.
I read my dear Katie Beth's blog and laughed, then cried b/c she represents the community in which I just left and how it's already changed. I thought the event would have been missing my friend Amber's special event this Sunday when she will be set apart within my community for a special task. Katie you beat Amber to it. Sorry Amber.
All of this brings me back to my word, "home." My "home" lies in the One who created me. I will always be "home" as long He is with me. I can delight in His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. No matter where I go in this world someone will know me and there's someone I"ll know. For me being known is what makes me fell at home.
There's comfort in being with my family and old friends, but the greatest joy is knowing that "home" is where my heart is...hidden in Him who knows me and is with me always.
Think of me as I start to live life here. My hope is that I will place roots and get the most out of every moment wherever I am/whomever I am with and that I would also have the opportunity to add something to these moments.
Peace~Shanti
I didn't realize how rooted I had become in Waco until a few weeks ago. It was tougher to leave than I thought it would be considering when I came to Waco my attitude was "the sooner I can get out of here the better." A good friend of mine (who has gone before me in this journey of leaving Waco and moving to another country) warned me that it would be harder to leave Waco than Houston. It's been my community for 6 years. That's the longest I've ever lived anywhere except where I grew up. It's where I treaded through a dark night of the soul and came out limping but transformed into a beautiful woman.
I knew it would be odd living with my parents at age 30, but I also knew it would simply feel like a visit until something happened. I wasn't sure what it would be or how long it would take, but it just happened.
I read my dear Katie Beth's blog and laughed, then cried b/c she represents the community in which I just left and how it's already changed. I thought the event would have been missing my friend Amber's special event this Sunday when she will be set apart within my community for a special task. Katie you beat Amber to it. Sorry Amber.
All of this brings me back to my word, "home." My "home" lies in the One who created me. I will always be "home" as long He is with me. I can delight in His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. No matter where I go in this world someone will know me and there's someone I"ll know. For me being known is what makes me fell at home.
There's comfort in being with my family and old friends, but the greatest joy is knowing that "home" is where my heart is...hidden in Him who knows me and is with me always.
Think of me as I start to live life here. My hope is that I will place roots and get the most out of every moment wherever I am/whomever I am with and that I would also have the opportunity to add something to these moments.
Peace~Shanti
30 May 2008
Saying Good-bye to Brook
This week my class took 2 field trips. The first one was to the zoo. Because our school is so close to the zoo we walked. I ended up with all the boys from my class in my group. I had the best time. I rarely get to enjoy my boys and their quirky personalities and wonderful senses of humor b/c my girls are so messy...can we say DRAMA!! and they know it. But alas, look who their teacher is. She's a pretty big drama queen herself. I love them all anyway. I was grateful for the break from drama b/c before we got started on our tour of the zoo I had to intervene and quench some mess another student caused. The kid actually left the zoo and I had to go after him on foot...I ended up following him all the way back to school. The cops were there to meet him and the counselor took me back to rejoin my easy going whimsical boys.
fyi: did you know that a giraffe's tongue is 21 inches long!
The second trip was our incentive party for the students who did not receive a referral this year. First, we went skating. I must confess that I should not be allowed on skates. No injuries this year. PTL! After about 2 hours of skating we were off to the park where we enjoyed hot dogs and the beautiful weather. I have this sweet adorable little girl in my class and she kept begging me to take her and a bunch of other girls to the flower garden and fountain. I finally gave in...and I was the first in the fountain. That's right, we all jumped into the fountain! The girls were all debating whether or not to put their feet in before they noticed I already had my socks and shoes off and was rolling up my pant legs to get in. As soon as I got in my pant legs came unrolled and that was it...I simply decided they all needed to be wet and in one big swoop I sent a wave of water over the girls. Socks and shoes started flying and everyone was in having a blast! It didn't take long before several other students joined in. It was a great way to end the year and a wonderful way to say good-bye to Brook.
I have been at Brook Avenue for three years. It has definitely been a challenge. The one thing everyone should know is how amazing the staff is there.
I have had the best team leader...Megan, who has taught me what it means to be a great teacher. She's also been a great friend. I am so excited for her as she prepares to have her first baby!
Mama Connie keeps us all in line and helps us keep things in perspective...over 30 years of experience gives you that advantage. Her partner in crime in 4th grade...Lippe...Brook is much better off since you joined our family. Good luck next year....document, document, document=)
Trisha...how many hats do you wear? I'm sure TELPAS is a curse word in some language...but you love your students...ESL & GT. Oh, what a gift to have a computer lab run by an actual competent teacher who can enrich the programs being used.
Then there's Clayton. The school could not run without him. He's the most dependable and trustworthy person I have ever met. I always know he has my back. If there's anyone you want on your side it's Clayton.
Then there's the famous Mrs. BB. The para extraordinaire. I truly believe she's a superhero. There's not one teacher who she hasn't saved from complete meltdown at some point or another. Thanks BB!
The one person a teacher should always show respect to is their custodian. My head custodian rocks...hey Ms. Shaw...love you mama! She does more than keep our school spic and span but spoils us with her famous banana pudding and extra portions of love.
ok Ritter, here's your moment of fame...need a laugh? ask Ritter to see her ladies dance=)
Our fifth grade team...wow! you need to be on something to hang with them...but they get the job done and we love them for all their unique ideas and ability to see them materialize.
Do I need to go on? If you ever want to see some great teachers just head on over to Brook Avenue and visit a class...may I suggest one of our three fabulous and dynamic 2nd grade teachers or slip into one of our Kindergarten classes and be utterly amazed! No joke...especially Mandy's class...we don't know how she does it. Don't be surprised if you catch our students performing some great musical or for fun come hang out in PE and have a blast. Really, you'll like what you see even in our reading intervention classes...Linkous has an endless bag of tricks just like Mary Poppins and Ms. Love can teach any child. Someone gave her an extra portion of patience and grace. My dear kitty Cat...Brook is not going to be the same without you! Oh, don't forget those who teach in two languages...Elizondo & Campbell. Oh, where would Brook be without the whit of Sandra Barnett...there's only 2 1/2 days left...hang in there! Dear Mr. Keller...punk...I wish I wasn't so gullible=)
Let me not forget the admins and the office...Hicks, Garcia, Densmore, Carter...could you take on anymore if you wanted to? Thank you Hartley and Vega for the interception of you know who.
Rosas, Matlock, and Long...you will not be forgotten and neither will you Mrs. Oliphant for you will pick up where I leave off...
Thank you Missy and all the others in the cafeteria for keeping us fed. And Charlie thanks for the good conversation. I know I'm missing someone...like Ms. Chase whom the kids love so much they want to be in ISS. I apologize if I'm forgetting someone...it is simply due to being sleep deprived...honestly.
Needless to say I will miss this place and the people who have been a family to me. Of course I embellished but not much.
I haven't even told you about my kids...once my student always my student no matter how many grey hairs you gave me. I will always wonder what happened to you and pray something I did or said stuck with you in a positive way and I didn't do too much damage. It's humbling how much we learn from children. They bring out the best and worst in you. Oh, my kids have made me pay for all the grief I caused my parents. I should have known that talking and drama would be rampant in my classroom.
Alas, I have only two and half days and then I will be on my way. I leave with the world knowing that my school is ACADEMICALLY ACCEPTABLE...something I've known all along. And one day the world will know that we are even better than that!
fyi: did you know that a giraffe's tongue is 21 inches long!
The second trip was our incentive party for the students who did not receive a referral this year. First, we went skating. I must confess that I should not be allowed on skates. No injuries this year. PTL! After about 2 hours of skating we were off to the park where we enjoyed hot dogs and the beautiful weather. I have this sweet adorable little girl in my class and she kept begging me to take her and a bunch of other girls to the flower garden and fountain. I finally gave in...and I was the first in the fountain. That's right, we all jumped into the fountain! The girls were all debating whether or not to put their feet in before they noticed I already had my socks and shoes off and was rolling up my pant legs to get in. As soon as I got in my pant legs came unrolled and that was it...I simply decided they all needed to be wet and in one big swoop I sent a wave of water over the girls. Socks and shoes started flying and everyone was in having a blast! It didn't take long before several other students joined in. It was a great way to end the year and a wonderful way to say good-bye to Brook.
I have been at Brook Avenue for three years. It has definitely been a challenge. The one thing everyone should know is how amazing the staff is there.
I have had the best team leader...Megan, who has taught me what it means to be a great teacher. She's also been a great friend. I am so excited for her as she prepares to have her first baby!
Mama Connie keeps us all in line and helps us keep things in perspective...over 30 years of experience gives you that advantage. Her partner in crime in 4th grade...Lippe...Brook is much better off since you joined our family. Good luck next year....document, document, document=)
Trisha...how many hats do you wear? I'm sure TELPAS is a curse word in some language...but you love your students...ESL & GT. Oh, what a gift to have a computer lab run by an actual competent teacher who can enrich the programs being used.
Then there's Clayton. The school could not run without him. He's the most dependable and trustworthy person I have ever met. I always know he has my back. If there's anyone you want on your side it's Clayton.
Then there's the famous Mrs. BB. The para extraordinaire. I truly believe she's a superhero. There's not one teacher who she hasn't saved from complete meltdown at some point or another. Thanks BB!
The one person a teacher should always show respect to is their custodian. My head custodian rocks...hey Ms. Shaw...love you mama! She does more than keep our school spic and span but spoils us with her famous banana pudding and extra portions of love.
ok Ritter, here's your moment of fame...need a laugh? ask Ritter to see her ladies dance=)
Our fifth grade team...wow! you need to be on something to hang with them...but they get the job done and we love them for all their unique ideas and ability to see them materialize.
Do I need to go on? If you ever want to see some great teachers just head on over to Brook Avenue and visit a class...may I suggest one of our three fabulous and dynamic 2nd grade teachers or slip into one of our Kindergarten classes and be utterly amazed! No joke...especially Mandy's class...we don't know how she does it. Don't be surprised if you catch our students performing some great musical or for fun come hang out in PE and have a blast. Really, you'll like what you see even in our reading intervention classes...Linkous has an endless bag of tricks just like Mary Poppins and Ms. Love can teach any child. Someone gave her an extra portion of patience and grace. My dear kitty Cat...Brook is not going to be the same without you! Oh, don't forget those who teach in two languages...Elizondo & Campbell. Oh, where would Brook be without the whit of Sandra Barnett...there's only 2 1/2 days left...hang in there! Dear Mr. Keller...punk...I wish I wasn't so gullible=)
Let me not forget the admins and the office...Hicks, Garcia, Densmore, Carter...could you take on anymore if you wanted to? Thank you Hartley and Vega for the interception of you know who.
Rosas, Matlock, and Long...you will not be forgotten and neither will you Mrs. Oliphant for you will pick up where I leave off...
Thank you Missy and all the others in the cafeteria for keeping us fed. And Charlie thanks for the good conversation. I know I'm missing someone...like Ms. Chase whom the kids love so much they want to be in ISS. I apologize if I'm forgetting someone...it is simply due to being sleep deprived...honestly.
Needless to say I will miss this place and the people who have been a family to me. Of course I embellished but not much.
I haven't even told you about my kids...once my student always my student no matter how many grey hairs you gave me. I will always wonder what happened to you and pray something I did or said stuck with you in a positive way and I didn't do too much damage. It's humbling how much we learn from children. They bring out the best and worst in you. Oh, my kids have made me pay for all the grief I caused my parents. I should have known that talking and drama would be rampant in my classroom.
Alas, I have only two and half days and then I will be on my way. I leave with the world knowing that my school is ACADEMICALLY ACCEPTABLE...something I've known all along. And one day the world will know that we are even better than that!
17 May 2008
Preparing to Go...
I had this grand idea...if I teach summer school I could earn some much needed cash and stay just a bit longer in Waco to spend time with friends before having to say good-bye. Alas, my grand idea flopped and I didn't get a summer school position. I have decided to go ahead and move back to Houston on June 6th. That gives me 19 more days in Waco.
I know it's time to move on and I am looking forward to spending some time with my family. It does seem very odd to be moving home at 30. The only one who knows that I'm moving home sooner is my mom...a belated Mother's Day gift. I do plan to come back at least once a month before I leave for Mother India...but the tears still come.
The hardest part of leaving is knowing that the moment you drive away everything will change...you can never come back, you simply must move forward. This gift of time with people in Waco will only be carried on in memories.
My life will change, too. But I will live those changes that I will so clumsily have to try to explain to others in words. That's why I created a blog. I've never been one to only be attached to people in one place. That's how I stay connected to the world...by living vicarious through others. As I share my life on this page, I hope you will continue to share your life with me.
I know it's time to move on and I am looking forward to spending some time with my family. It does seem very odd to be moving home at 30. The only one who knows that I'm moving home sooner is my mom...a belated Mother's Day gift. I do plan to come back at least once a month before I leave for Mother India...but the tears still come.
The hardest part of leaving is knowing that the moment you drive away everything will change...you can never come back, you simply must move forward. This gift of time with people in Waco will only be carried on in memories.
My life will change, too. But I will live those changes that I will so clumsily have to try to explain to others in words. That's why I created a blog. I've never been one to only be attached to people in one place. That's how I stay connected to the world...by living vicarious through others. As I share my life on this page, I hope you will continue to share your life with me.
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