Repentance

I am starting to feel the early signs of burnout. The roots have been planted and they might not be what you think. The roots of burnout are not bad experiences or working too much. Sure those contribute, but they are more like the water and sun that makes the burnout grow.

The roots of burnout, for me at least, are unforgiveness. I have not been able to let go and forgive those that have hurt me here. Some go back to the very beginning.

Another layer is expectations. Our expectations set us up for disappointment. Repeated disappointment can lead to bitterness and resentment. These are also the roots for burnout.

These two are like insult and injury. I have let them fester and get infected. They are blinding me from seeing all that I once loved here.

The solution to this is good old-fashioned repentance. It's not a fun process but one I feel called to endure so that I can once again I can participate in life and in relationship with others.

Something I have felt compelled to do is The Joy Dare. It might sound silly, but I think it will stop me from complaining so much and start looking for things to find joy in. I was inspired by my friend Rebecca. She has been doing it from the beginning of the year. At first, I loved reading her posts. Then I started hating them and noticed I was coming cynical. I found myself saying things like....of course she can find all those pretty happy things there....I'm sure it's easy when all the post are related to nature, church, family, and children (things that I don't really have here). In fact, her posts started making me homesick and wanting the "easy" life (like there really is such a thing). I just feel like I live so much lower on Maslov's Hierarchy of Needs here than I did back home. Then I realized it wasn't the place that matter but the eyes and heart. To help me find the joy of living here I'm going to read the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and start working my way through the list.

Hey, maybe this will result in some great pics and video.

Conversation with a Taxi Driver

Last night I had a conversation with my taxi driver. This is rate because I usually don't engage men in conversation here unless I know them well. Conversations with taxi drivers usually go like this:

Driver: Madam, where you from?
Me: US
Driver: Very nice. How long you been in India?
Me: Three years
Driver: Oh yes, very nice. That's why you speak such good Hindi (whatever, my Hindi is crap!) You married?
Me: (ummm, do I lie or not...usually lie) Yes. (if no)
Driver: How many kids madam? (why not madam? something wrong?)
Me: (lie continues...) 2 (father is arranging it or my older sister is not yet married)
Driver: Oh, very nice. Boys? (oh, good....conversation ends)
Me: (wanting conversation to end and to make a point) both girls
Driver: oh, so sorry madam. (conversation ends)

Last night was different. It started with an apology for being late (huh?). Then he complimented my Hindi (like I said, whatever). He never asked if I was married. He asked what I did here. Really? Then began talking about his daughter who just took her 12th boards and how he had high hopes for her. What? A father bragging about his daughter? Who are you? In fact, he said he was very proud of his girls. He just wished they could live a better life but life here is really difficult for women. I asked him how many kids he had...4 (3 girls, 1 boy). He said he told his wife 3 girls were sufficient but the wife insisted on trying for a boy because of pressure from the rest of the family particularity her father (which he could of meant his father/her father-in-law). The father said there would be no honor for her without producing a boy. The driver said he didn't care. Really?

Then came the reality...

The driver told his wife that they would only try again if and only if they had an ultrasound and aborted the baby if it was a girl. The wife agreed. They were relieved when it showed it was a boy. Of course, they had several done by different doctors to confirm. He explained that he loved his daughters but it was difficult to care for them. The cost of making sure they were cared for properly was just too great to have another one. He truly believed that it was better for her to die than to be brought into the world and not be able to cared for properly. For the first time, I could see where he was coming from.

Though I don't agree, I am starting to see how getting rid of girls and even those with special needs could be seen as a better option than for them to live here. Life is simply hard here and even worse for females and those with special needs. Sparing them would be a warped sense of compassion, especially for the driver who kept and cares for THREE girls.

The Ashish Centre

Last week I had orientation at the early intervention centre I am now working with. It was interesting as the training focused on communicating what the centre's mission, vision, and values through exploring worldview.

The trainer started by addressing an incident which happened in our neighborhood over the weekend (I live in the same area as the school). A couple, both doctors, went on vacation to Thailand for a few weeks and left their child servant (13-year-old-girl) locked in the house without sufficient water or food. The girl was able to make her way to the balcony and get the attention of the neighbors. She was rescued by the fire brigade and police and sent to a local orphanage until her parents can be located. The couple will have a nice welcoming party at the airport by the police when they return. The trainer used this story to ask the question, "How could educated middle class doctors treat a child this way?"

The staff and teachers had great answers which all led to the revelation that it is their worldview that shapes their attitude toward children, those of lower class/caste/race, etc. Despite their education and even respected profession, their worldview allowed them to not see this girl as a human being with value who deserved to be treated with dignity.

Worldview is critical for students with special needs. The quality of life depends on how those around them view them. Luckily, these students have the people at the Ashish Centre. The larger community is far from realizing the value of these students. The way of thinking is changing but very slowly. The majority of people still believe these students are cursed by god and do not deserve to live. People with special needs are like girls here...they are lucky to live. Often they are abandoned or left to die. Sometimes they are killed or aborted. If allowed to live, people with special needs are often kept secluded and discriminated against.

In recent years, there has been a movement of awareness in the media, among celebrities, families of children with special needs, and educators in the field of special education. Just last year the government finally passed a law which states that schools cannot deny children entrance into school based on their disability. Of course, schools are finding ways around that. The greatest struggle is the social stigma and teachers not knowing how to serve students with special needs.

(Note: Check out these Bollywoord films: Taare Zameen Par (about dyslexia) and My Name is Klhan (politically charged but main character has Asperger's syndrome. Read http://m.timesofindia.com/entertainment/bollywood/news-interviews/Salman-Khan-keeps-his-word/articleshow/12491667.cms Bollywood star Salman Khan steps up as spokesperson for ASD on World Autism Day)

The Ashish Centre is a unique place. The director shared some of the things that make the school unique. First, they believe that all children are created in the image of God. God creates us all with purpose and gives us the ability to live out that purpose. Each child, regardless of disability, has a purpose and is expected to contribute to society.

Here are the centre's vision, mission, values and motto:

VISION

We envision transformed communities of people who view and value each differently-abled person as created in God’s image and with the ability to attain their God given potential in leading fulfilling lives

MISSION

To provide wholistic education and support to children with disabilities and their families so that they can achieve their God-given potential and to create awareness in the community for constructive response and engagement.

VALUES

1. Each child is created in the image of God.
2. Each child is created for a purpose
3. Each child is born with the potential to achieve that purpose.
4. No one is exempt from giving back to society.
5. All of us are differently-abled.

MOTTO

Your work produced by faith,
Your labour prompted by love,
Your endurance inspired by hope.

I love the term "differently-abled." In a previous post I referred to the brokenness here and how I am broken. A part of the brokenness I witness and experience here is all the ways people are "differently-abled" and how I am also "differently-abled." I am sure I will be learning many lessons working with this incredible group of people.

You can check out more about the centre at www.ashishindia.org.