One of the best cultural lessons I learned this holiday season was the socially appropriate and socially expected forms of gift giving.
If you are an employer (which I am) then there are certain expectations of you. If you employ professionals like my language helper, then it is expected that on their religious holiday you give them the culturally appropriate according to their custom. In my case, since my employee is still a "child" (not married) and a Muslim then I give her the traditional Eidiya. I am required to give Eidiya to each child of any Muslim household I visit on Eid. I did the appropriate thing when I gave Eidiya to my language helper and her siblings. Because my language helper is my employee, I gave her extra Eidiya. What I didn't do correctly was the gift to her mother. Her mother is my house help, a domestic worker. On a domestic worker's religious holiday you should give them a gift. Oops! I don't think she was upset about the Eidiya I gave her and her mother. Now I know why they chuckled about it=)
Now to make things more complicated. On my religious holiday the expectations change. First, if I'm home then I'm to serve Christmas Cake to anyone who comes to visit. Of course this is a new concept to me since we don't do Christmas Cake like the Commonwealth Countries. In fact, our Christmas Cake (fruit cake) is commonly a source of humor.
The employee expectations are reversed. For my religious holiday I should give my professional workers (language helper) a gift and to my domestic help (not only my house help but the garbage collector and the other woman who cleans our entry way and stairwell) a bonus. I'm so thankful my friends who I spent Christmas with enlightened me of this. Otherwise I would have had a rude awakening and been very frustrated upon my return home. I was prepared today to pay all the domestic help their bonuses. I have a gift ready for my language helper.
My brother-in-law is a gamer. He compared learning a new culture like learning a new game. You have to die several times before you make it to the next level. It takes time and practice to master the game. I thought that was an excellent analogy to what I'm experiencing living and working here.
