I am starting to feel the early signs of burnout. The roots have been planted and they might not be what you think. The roots of burnout are not bad experiences or working too much. Sure those contribute, but they are more like the water and sun that makes the burnout grow.
The roots of burnout, for me at least, are unforgiveness. I have not been able to let go and forgive those that have hurt me here. Some go back to the very beginning.
Another layer is expectations. Our expectations set us up for disappointment. Repeated disappointment can lead to bitterness and resentment. These are also the roots for burnout.
These two are like insult and injury. I have let them fester and get infected. They are blinding me from seeing all that I once loved here.
The solution to this is good old-fashioned repentance. It's not a fun process but one I feel called to endure so that I can once again I can participate in life and in relationship with others.
Something I have felt compelled to do is The Joy Dare. It might sound silly, but I think it will stop me from complaining so much and start looking for things to find joy in. I was inspired by my friend Rebecca. She has been doing it from the beginning of the year. At first, I loved reading her posts. Then I started hating them and noticed I was coming cynical. I found myself saying things like....of course she can find all those pretty happy things there....I'm sure it's easy when all the post are related to nature, church, family, and children (things that I don't really have here). In fact, her posts started making me homesick and wanting the "easy" life (like there really is such a thing). I just feel like I live so much lower on Maslov's Hierarchy of Needs here than I did back home. Then I realized it wasn't the place that matter but the eyes and heart. To help me find the joy of living here I'm going to read the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and start working my way through the list.
Hey, maybe this will result in some great pics and video.
